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11 IK GATEWAY • volume \CVIII number 2 

sports 27 

Mills pre-K designs enrage this fan 

"i worried when 1 saw Toronto's retro' look. I cringed 
a little when Florida slapped some racing stripes and 
glue-on strides on their otherwise decent tatigues. 

And 1 was actually a little impressed by Vancouver's 
successful effort to make a jersey that was even uglier 
than their 1978 Big Fucking V outfits." 

A s die designer at this little the blame for this one on. When I and the cries of the damned were 

operation that we call a news- picture the creative sessions for some unleashed upon the urban sprawl that 

paper, I'm confronted with of those |erseys, 1 imagine a bunch of covers south-central Alberta. 1 mean, 

poor design every day. Critiquing the cigar-smoking, suit-wearing monkeys vertical stripes? Armpit curves? A 

layout of posters and billboards in my sitting around an elaborate board- huge blue Alberta flag on the shoul- 

head is just a. quirk that I've developed room table carved of human bones as der of a crimson sleeve? What the 

with the job. By now. I've learned to head imp Gary Betrman—clad in his hell were they thinking? 

let some things slide, since not every- virgin-skin cloak, breathing fire I can’t help but think that new head 
one realizes that clutter doesn’t equal and shitting brimstone—graciously coach Mike Keenan was somehow 

sexy design, or that Comic Sans should approves the ill-conceived rede- involved in this monstrosity, perhaps 

nor be used in any situation, ever. But signs, Meanwliile, dump trucks of in an effort to fuel his players with 

when it comes to an overhaul as mas- dollar hills, fueled by the undis- rage and seething hatred after a lack- 

sive as the NHL's new line of jerseys, tilled tears of broken eight-year- luster playoff run. I suppose you could 

certain design missteps are simply old hockey fans everywhere, equate it to feeding razor blades and 

unforgivable. unloaded their tainted funds directly sawdust to a rabid pit bull that you've 

When the so-called "reimagining" into the coffers of these ungodly been poking with a sharp stick, before 

of team uniforms was announced magnates. unleashing him upon a playground 

during this year's All Star break, T As a hockey fan and a designer, 1 of school children wearing Oilers 

was a bit leery, but willing to give a lake my jerseys very seriously. jerseys. 

chance to the creative gurus in the 1 worried when 1 saw Toronto's The Oilers, meanwhile, have yet 
league's art department. After all. “retro" look. I cringed a little when to display their own attempt at pre- 

while Nashville's mustard-yellow Florida slapped some racing stripes school arts and crafts hour. If it's any- 

alternate sweaters weren't the pretti- and glue-on sparkles on their other- thing like their horrendous season 

est fashions in professional sports his- wise decent fatigues. And I was actu- last year, and I look forward to seeing 

tory, at least the powers that he got a ally a little impressed by Vancouver's what tripe they come up with. At the 

few things right with die latest styles successful effort to make a jersey that very least it will provide me with 

for my beloved Calgary Flames. was even uglier than their 1978 "Big some solace—though at this point. 

One tiling us creative types have to Fucking V" outfits. the only thing the NHL could do to 

accept, though, is that no matter how But perhaps the most heinous fash- renew my hopes would be to appoint 

good a design idea might seem, noth- ion crime—a terrible blow that 1 see fanny MacDonald Prime Minister 

ing can hold a candle to the power of asa personal strike against everything and launch a rocket containing Kevin 

the misinformed CKOs who are at the 1 hold dearas a Flames fan—tame ear- Lowe, Craig MacTavish. and Sean 

helm of athletic corporate sponsor- lier this week. Calgary unveiled their Aver)' on a one-way trip directly into 

ship. At least, that's who I’m pinning entry into Reebok’s Hall of Shame. the flaming sun. 

Federers athletic feats already amaze 

Whether he wins this years US Open or not. t he Swiss Mister is already the 
greatest mens player of all time—mavbe even the top individual athlete period 

I f you don’t know Roger Federer. 
you’ve been living under a rock. 
Even people who aren’t sports 
Ians or those unfamiliar with tennis 
should know this athlete. Federer lias 
revolutionized the game, shattering 
anyone's expectations of what can 
be achieved by a single athlete. He 
has dominated bis sport more than 
any other tennis star ever—it will 
be a long lime before we see anyone 
else who can live up to the legacy 
lie's building himself—and arguably 
more than any other athlete either, 
regardless of sport. 

The Swiss Mister began his rise to 
the top of the tennis world in 2001. 
when he reached the quarterfinals at 
Wimbledon for the first time, beat¬ 
ing seven-time Wi mbledon champion 
Pete Sampras along the way. Two years 
later, in 2003, he took home the big 
prize tliere, winning bis first Grand 
Slam tournament. 

His career really took oil in 2004, 
however, when he reached the world 
number-one ranking, a position that 
he has held ever since. That yea r, he 
won three of the four men’s singles 
Grand Slam events—Wimbledon, the 
US Open, and the Australian Open— 
and defeated the likes of Lleyion 
Hewitt and Andy Roddick. And he did 

all of this wirhoui a coach. 

Wimbledon has been the site of 
some of his greatest successes—he 
has won it every year since 2003. 
and is only the second man to have 
five consecutive wins there in tennis’ 
Open era, the other being legendary 
Bjorn Borg. The list of records that he 
holds is extensive to the point of being 

Wimbledon has been 
the site of some of ids 
greatest successes—he 
has won it every year 
since 2003. and is only 
the second man to 
have five consecutive 
wins tliere in tennis' 

Open era the other 
being the legendary 
Bjorn Borg. 

He was the first player in the Open 
era to win his first four Grand Slam 
singles finals; in 2006 he liecame the 
first man since 1969 to reach the final 
in all Grand Slam single events in one 
year, be has won more consecutive 
Grand Slam sets than any other man; 
he's only two Wimbledon wins away 
from Pete Sampras' career total titles 
there; he is the only man to have held 
five consecutive Wimbledon titles, 
two consecutive Australian Open 
titles, and three consecutive US Open 

titles at the same time. And the list 
goes on—lies only 26 years old. 

He is already in the record books 
alongside the likes of Sampras. Borg, 
Rod Laver, and John McEnroe, and lie's 
on pace to outstrip them all Barring 
significant injuries—and he's been 
remarkably healthy so far—he will 
enter the record books as the greatest 
tennis player of ah time, and in fact 
the most dominant single athlete in 
any sport, ever. 

Federer has been compared to Tiger 
Woods in golf and Lance Armstrong 
in cycling, but the analogies just don’t 
work. Though Tiger is certainly the 
best golfer of his generation, he hasn’t 
had the same kind of singular and 
consistent domination. 

As for Mr Livestrong. the similari¬ 
ties are stronger, but not close enough. 
Armstrong has accomplished feats— 
his record-setting seven Tour de 
France victories in particular—that 
are unlikely to be duplicated, but the 
difference between cycling and tennis 
is that, essentially. Armstrong just did 
the same thing seven times, l-ederer 
has trounced the competition in so 
many different conditions—clay, 
grass, and hard courts—not to men¬ 
tion that he doesn’t have a team lack¬ 
ing him up. 

As this paper goes to print, Federer 
is facing Rtxldick in the quarterfinal 
of the US Open. Another Grand Slam 
win by Roddick would be an incred¬ 
ible feather in his cap. but it would 
do nothing to diminish Federers 
position—he’s in the record books 
already, and there’s still plenty' of 

We are now accepting applications for Sandwich Artists 

• No experience necessary 

• Free Food 

• Up to $12/hr starting 

• Full time / ftirt time shifts available 

• Flexible Schedules 

• $1000 staff (shared) bonus every month 

• International students welcome! 

Apply at any of our 3 campus location; 
Students' Union Bldg, HUB or Newton Place 

The game of “pooh-sticking” involves dropping sticks in a stream 
and watching to see which one reaches the finish line first. 

We shit you not. 

Meetings Tuesdays at 5:30 


Not as dirty as we sound since 1910 


Alumni Advantage Scholarship $2500 

TD Meloche Monnex Leadership 
Scholarship $1000 

The University of Alberta Alumni Association is awarding two 
S2500 scholarships (one undergraduate and one graduate) 
and one $1000 scholarship (open to only undergraduate stu¬ 
dents). To be eligible to apply for these scholarships you must: 

1) Be a full-time continuing student at the University of 

2) For the Alumni Advantage Scholarship show proof 
of high academic achievement (GPA of 3.5 or 80% 
or higher); 

For the TD Meloche Monnex Scholarship show 
proof of satisfactory academic achievement (GPA of 
2.0 or 50% or higher); 

3) Demonstrate involvement in campus or community 
service and volunteerism; 

4) Be the recipient of no other major scholarships or 
awards (major awards are valued at $4500 or 
higher) in the current academic year; and 

5) Be either an alumnus of the University of Alberta 
or a daughter, son, granddaughter, or grandson of 
an alumnus. 

To apply for these scholarships, please pick up your applica¬ 
tion form at the reception desk at the Office of Alumni Affairs 
(6th Floor General Services Building) or go online 

Deadline for receipt of applications is OCTOBER 31,2007