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Full text of "The Gateway (2009-08-27)"

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UmrstUv. ;nigusl 27.2009 • n'ww.lht'gulcwayonliiic.ca 



Exhilarating 

TERB1FYINC! 

COME SEE SIGHTS YOU’VE NEVER SEEN 
BEFORE, AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY INTO 
THE THREE RING CIRCUS THAT IS THE 
UNIVERSITY’S RESIDENCE HAILS, as A 
NEWCOMER. YOU'LL HAVE THE OPTION 
OF LIVING UNDER THE BIG TOP IN ONE 
OF THREE RESIDENCES: JJSTER, HUB. 
OR INTERNATIONAL HOUSE. 




LISTER CENTRE 

Quiie possibly the most tantalizing of die three, 
I ister is divided tip into four towers: Kelsey, 
Mackenzie. Henday, and Schaffer — although 
the latter is only for those brave enough to be 
in their second or third year of the show. Many 
are curious as to which tower is right for them, 
but each is as different as the various freaks that 
dwell within. 

Despite this, there are many curiosities and 
oddities one can expect to see with its walls. 
Concessions in Lister are sold by a mysterious 
corporation known only as Aramark, and paid 
for with meal funds hidden away on each resi¬ 
dent's ONEcard. If you're one of the unfortunates 
bound l^Jthis odd trinket, lie wary: while dip¬ 
ping into your meal plan too often may result 
in hating to scrounge desperately for pocket 
change, using it too little will cause all your left¬ 
over funny money to pull a vanishing act at the 
end of the year. 

Another phenomenon of Lister is its strange 
fascination with the sportin’ outing of dodge- 
liall. Throughout the year, its denizens group 
together during the night to compete-against one 
another in an occult gypsy ceremony known as 
the Lister Dodgebai! League. While mostly iso¬ 
lated to Lister in previous years, their obsession 
is spreading to the main campus with die intro¬ 
duction of a University-wide Campus Cup tour- 
nameur, headed by ringmaster Students' Union 
Vice President (Student Life) Nick Dehod. 

HUB 

Situated along the east side of the North Campus. 
HUB is an unnatural hybrid of a building, split 
between commercial establishments at its core, 
and residential apartments along its fringes. 
Built by the Students' Union many years ago in 
a crazed fit of architectural madness, this four- 
block iong structure protects its residents from 
Edmonton's harsh winters like an overbearing 
mother ape. keeping the internal temperature 
' swelteringly hot year-round. 

First-years are kept inside four-person cages 
that overlook the mall's thoroughfare. Despite 


the. outward appearance of squalor, each unit 
contains its own kitchen, bathroom, and living 
area, as well as individual bedrooms — perfect 
arrangements for those looking to enjoy the show 
in a more independent environment. But despite 
the opportunities for isolation. HUB manages 
to maintain a strong community. Residents can 
partake in many sideshows in its community 
centre, known only as the mysterious Vault. 

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 

I-House is the most exotic and diverse of the big 
tops: residents are encouraged to celebrate not 
only their cultural differences, but their aca¬ 
demic ones as well, since those who step right up 
to litis platform come from all years of study — 
even graduate students have been known to live 
here. Located even farther east oil campus than 
HUB. International House is also the newest of 
the U's residences; so those looking for the best 
and brightest residence experience will feel right 
at home here. 


FURTHER ATTRACTIONS 

Besides the big three, there are many other 
dealing festivals out there to house students on 
campus; most of (hem, however, are ticketed for 
those in higher yea rs of st udy. East Campus V illage 
(next to the Law Centre) is a neighltpurhood of 
townhouses owned by the Univ ersity, mixed in 
with walk-up apartments, with a hodge-podge 
of attractions and curios alike. Residence Saint- 
jean. on the campus of the same name, is open 
to carnies front all years of study — but only 
those fluent in la belle kngue. Newton Place, the 
most costly of die residences, is a tall apartment 
tower just east of the Hospital, perfect for all 
those skyscraping, death-defying acrobats. And 
for quiet-loving older students or mimes who 
want to raise a family while studying, tltere's 
Michener Park on I he South Campus. 

With all the options available at the University, 
it's important to remember that it's possible to 
live off-campus, away from the hustle and hustle 
of the circus. But we ask you: where's the fun 
-in yjtat? 


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