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llwrsday. nin«nbei - 19.2009 • www.lhogaU' 

9 SHT, El nov H009 


I3IFII-K DOG 0:00 Pill 


Sony Music 

albi battle 

Sean Kingston 

Sony Music 

Arts & Entertainment Staff 

The plan: pick two albums and pit 
them against each other in a gruesome 
deathmatch until a victor emerges. 
There can be only one! 

Cover Art 

Pitbull: Pitbull is yet another James Bond 
hopeful, complete with an airbrushed 
naked chick in camouflage at his side. 
Listeners don’t need help figuring out 
tliis CD is full of trashy dance hits. 
Kingston: An animated Kingston doll 
complete with bling and aviators — 
juvie record sokl separately. Its almost 

Advantage: Kingston, for avoiding the 
"hot naked girl" cliche. 

Kingston whining over a gill. 

Advantage Pitbull for daring to giving 
us a whole song that didn’t involve 
female anatomy. 

Worst Song 

Pitbull: So many clxiices, but "Girls” has 
a total word count of 10. and describes 
what I assume to lie one of Pitbull’s a na- 
tomkally impossible adolescent fanta¬ 
sies. Not interesting unless you share his 
imagination. Gross. 

Kingston: Whatever "Ice C.reain Girl” 
means, it will leave you feeling cold and 
sick ii you have to listen to it repeatedly. 
Advantage: I really don’t tltink it’s pos¬ 
sible to win tliis one. But Kingston gets 
the point; perhaps not everyone is lac¬ 
tose intolerant the first time they hear 
his song. 

Best Track 

Pitbull: Tlte lyrics actually tell a story in 
“Across the World’’ For a moment, you 
believe Pitbull has purpose as an artisc 
Kingston: His track "Welcome to 
Tomorrow" sounds uplifting, hopeful 
and enduring, until it ends alter 50 sec¬ 
onds and you realize it’s just an intro to 
title track "Tomorrow," which features 

Best Dance Song 

Pitbull: Despite its lyrics. "Krazy” is 
catchy and thythmic. Most people will 
be too drunk to understand the words 

Kingston:The infamous "Fire Burning” 
still reigns. Tlie lyrics are easy enough 
to remember, and shouting "somebody 
call 911!" just gets better as the evening 

lengthens (as long as die tequila shots 
keep coming). 

Advantage: Pitbull, just because tlie 
Kingston single should be burned out 
by now. 

Album Title 

Pitbull: Is Rebelution a political 
statement ? An indication of change from 
the norm? It hints at intrigue without 

Kingston: Tomorrow — an optimistic 
statement about the future or are we 
overstretching its meaning? Perhaps it 
just refers to die title track 
Advantage: Pitbull, just for cute 
word smithing. 


Neitlier album can lie considered 
groundbreaking. They both fulfill the 
niche of inebriated dance music, and 
expectations aren’t high for this genre. 
Pitbull wins by a hair. His songs are 
more diverse, if not better. Kingston is 
more brave, leaving his rap artist role, 
but not brave enough think of lyrics to 
matchliis hip-hop reggae sound. Despite 
Pitbull’s win. few would complain if 
both diese dawgs were euthanized. 



r or anyone that knows me. they know 
one thing: I quite fancy Nicolas Cage 
His brazenly over-the-top overacting 
is like the sun on a rainy day for me: his 
propensity for yelling manically inane 
lines fills my hear with glee: and his 
sole facial expression — you know, the 
one of wild-eyed insanity and abject 
fear— makes me feel truly alive dje to 
the hearty belly laughs. 

So it was with true sorrow and pity 
that I read this week that Gage's own 
National Treasure had gone miss¬ 
ing. and the likelihood that a mes¬ 
sage on the back of the Declaration of 
Independence would magically help 
him locate it was slim to nil In debt to 
the IRS to the tune of Sc million. Cage 
was forced to auction off his two New 

Orleans homes last Thursday, includ¬ 
ing one in the historic Dench Quarter 

Man, this Oscar-award-winning 
A-lister nephew of r rancis Ford 
Coppola who routinely makes lists of 
Hollywood s most powerful stars just 
can’t catch a break. Alas, all those 
days running around like Chicken Little 
telling people that the world is ending 
or ranting that "the caves won't save 
us!” doesn't leave much rime to file 
the necessary papers. Despite how 
many prophetic visions he's had of the 
apocalypse, he somewhat ironically 
couldn't predict his own financial 

Howd he get burned, you ask? 
According to Access Hollywood. 
Cage is blaming his former alleged 
"incompetent" business manager, 
Samuel J. _evirt, for "sending Cage 
down a path toward financial ruin'’ and 
paying himself millions of dollars," 
while diverting Cage's precious 
Beniamins into “risky" and "highly 

speculative" investments. It 'wasn't 
immediately clear exactly which recent 
investments sent the star of G-Force, 
Knowing. Ghost Rider. Bangkok 
Dangerous, and Next down the road 
Towards fiscal insolvency but one thing 
is certain: Cage was at absolutely no 
fault here and was completely led 
astray by this bloodthirsty managerial 
vampire. Or alleged vampire 
Sadly, lor all cinematic connoisseurs 
and fans of gentlemanly class, refined 
taste, and Nicolas-Cage-in-a-bear- 
suit-pundiing-women grace, this does 
nor bode well for any future Wicker 
Mar, 2 prospects. Or 2 Bangkok 2 
Dangerous for that matter. 


Flop Culture is a semi-regular feature 
in which Gateway pop culture pundits 
shake their literary lists at ridiculous 
events or celebrities deserving of an 
inky bitch-slap, 

„ , albumreview 

Suflan Stevens 

■*" ”” TheBQE 

Asthmatic Kitty 


Arts & Entertainment Staff 

In his latest work. Sufjan Stevens is 
in a place far away from his mas¬ 
terpiece, Illinois. Okay. I guess he's 
only about 1,500 kilometres east in 
New York City, but somewhere on 
the drive there, he’s lost his voice, 
as The BQE is primarily an orchestra 

Stevens was inspired by the ugly 
mess that is the Brooklyn-Queens 
Expressway, one of North America's 
most poorly planned and built urban 
roadways. In his attempt to find 
beauty in a place of ugliness, lie cre¬ 
ates this non-narrative arrangement 
of pieces that purposefully switches 
with little grace between orchestral 
and experimental rock. Early on, the 

performance borders on dull, but by 
"Movement ID: Linear Tableau with 
Intersecting Surprise" you can begin 
to see his style come together. 

Woodwinds dance dreamily before 
you’re kidnap ped by "Movement 
IV: Traffic Shock." where Stevens' 
Electronics influences make their first 
appearance- The album ends with a 
booming sendoff. but leaves you long¬ 
ing to hear Stevens’ melancholy voice. 

Accompanying the album is a DVD 
filmed by Stevens and cinematogra¬ 
pher Reuben Kleiner. Like the album, 
there's no story — just reoccurring 
motifs and images. At first it seems to 
be no more than a glorified opening 
credits montage: simple, hand-filmed 

shots of buildings and cars seem to 
drag on forever as you wait for some¬ 
thing to happen. 

Although thematically significant, 
t he sect ions with cute girls hula-hoop- 
ing seem out of place in this slice-of- 
lifc film. The DVD is completely in 
split-screen, so if you’re bored by one 
the images, there's always t wo others 
to choose to look at instead. Where 
the soundtrack becomes interesting, 
the film does as well. In "Movement 
IV: Traffic Shock", the film takes on 
the poiru-of-view of the car as it 
blazes down the road in fast-motion. 
Tlie film also uses slow-rnoiitm, but 
like driving, it’s much less fun to 
be stuck in gridlock traffic than it Ls 
flying down roads, well above the 
speed limit. 

The BQE is an impressive dem¬ 
onstration of Stevens’ diversity, but 
tlie work feels more like an epic art 
project then something you’d recom¬ 
mend to your friends. Though it’s a 
mostly enjoyable experiment. I hope 
Stevens takes the next exit off this 
expressway and gets back to explor¬ 
ing America’s 50 states.