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Innis Herald 

Nov. 91 

Volume 26 
Issue 3 


I don'l know much. 1 know 
t linte about everything, a lot ^>oui 
some thing! uuJ not nearly as much 
as I'd like (o know about Keanu 
Reeves. Such is my lot in life. These 
are Ihe sad realities I must face each 
ar>d every morning as I roll out of 
bed and into the HcraJd office. 

It may seem to you that 
knowing a little about everything is 
enough. Jack of all trades; master of 
none. (Jill of all trades: master of 
none?) However. I have a responsi- 
Wlity. Thai responsibility is to bring 
(be news to the people, to inform, to 
educate, to beat people over the head 
with a two by four until they get the 
message into there thick skulls. 
Actually, that's not really mxe. We 
resolved that issue last month when 
I revealed to the flabbergasted mil- 
lions thai the Innis Herald is not a 
newspaper, and henceforth I have 
no obligation to publish any news or 
substantiated faciuatily whatsoever. 
This is to me a pacifying concept. 

WitherH)ever and be thai as 
it may, in order to publish some- 
thing, that is to say, to get those 
ideas and glitteting morsels of wis- 
dom out of your heads and onto the 

primed page, in other words, to make 
that pieceof art, joumatism. litera- 
ture or some kind of perm uiation/ 
combination thereof, accessible to 
the general public, one must rely on 
thekincfrKSs of strangers. The strang- 
ers in this case, that is to uy this 
issue of the Innis Herald, in other 
words, these very pages which you 
are now holding in your sweaty little 
hands, consisted of a carefully cho- 
sen fusion of friends, relalioos and 
members of the Varsity Staff. 

Horror upon horrors. 

Could this editorial be a 
dcfenseofthatrnosl abhorrent source 
of embarrassment to every nun, 
women, auKl child who ever walked 
the gilded paths of truth and knowl- 
edge? Is it possible that I might 
proceed to praise thai hated alba- 
tross which hangs so precariously 
around our collective student neck? 
Would I be able to hold my head 
high around campus in general and 
Iimis in particular, if I were to uy 
and Justify the heinously P.O. be- 
haviour of those odious individuals 
who hide behind a flimsy, paltry no 
good very bad newspaper we call 
the Varsity? 

No. In truth I find the Varsity gets 
just a linle too far under my lily 
white skin to please me. But in alt 
honesty - do you read the Varsity? 1 
mean do you actually read it? I don 't 
for the most part, but then I'm not a 
very strong reader, is Mr Populos, 
my grade three teacher used to say. 

The polru is - every ooce in 
a while there is something appre- 
ciatAc to be read in the Varsity. 
Every once in a while there is a point 
being made that I agree with and I 
feel is worthy of my attention. Every 
once in a while my cars pop even 
though I'm not in an elevator or on 
a subway going very fast 

To conclude: Hatred takes 
up a lot of mindspace. (I believe the 
Figure is somewhere in the ftfiies, if 
you can believe it.) So. for example, 
if you hate the Herald keep it to 
yourself. Or better yet write some- 
thing that you think is good and then 
you wont hate it as much. And if you 
hate the Varsity, you're not alone. 
But as Mr Populos used to say. if 
you can't lick 'cm. you don't have 
to hit them over the head with a 

1,1: 1 1 IkS 


Dear Edolof. 

Holy Smoke* No sooner I 
gel out of Soviei Union of Sovici 
SocbJisi Union of Republic ihan 
there is no Soviet Socialist Union of 
Sociaitsi Uniled Soviet Union. So 1 
get teller from Jim ShctWen saying 
he is still underp^ad but noedotOT no 
more! Wow! Upheav&l in your faces 
or what! No wonder no bag of right- 
eous Coksnbian red from Fuzz. Fuzz 
no work at no Jrniis no more! Innis 
Pub maybe going to close down 
despite quality location! And who 
be left? Innis squirrels! 1 warn and 
warn to know a veil and look what 
happen! John Browne disappear on 
"sabbatical"! Hah! John Browne last 
year was %ecrelly Innis squirrel 
plotting to destroy pub. Here is Innis 
squirrel darker plan: 

I. Replace John Browne 
with Innis squirrel. 

1 Give Fuzz fancy job at 
Dcvo to get out of way. 

3. Hire Innis squirrel as Pub 

4. Say "No Smoking" at 
Innis Pub, 

4b. Send "Jtrfin Browne" 
(hah!) on "sabbatical". 

5. Lose all customer regu- 
lar who were smokers at pub who 
spent money and hang around play- 
ing cards and buy'mg things (arid 

6. Squirrel maruiger says 
"Hey, no customers, no money, raise 
prices!" (The squhrets call "sound 
fiscal policy".) 

7. Even less people come 
to pub to pay dollar for can of Coke 
they con gel at Becker for 80 cents. 

8. Wring paws ai how Pub 
not making mooey. (When squirrels 
know was carefully designed plot lo 
destroy pub so promotion (o upper 
echelons of Simcoe Hall can hap- 
pen for squirrels and U. of T. can be 
squirrel administered.) 

9. Close pub. (Goodbye 
cheap beer, rock n'roll and meat 
patty wiib green dye.) 

10. Bring in outside people 
to serve food and sell drinks for 
same price as now. 

II. Pat self on fuzzy back 
with paw. 

12. GocntzyonlnnisGroen 
chasing each other and spread evil. 
You lau^, but af^er ten years in 
Moscow, your Moscow correspon- 
dent know bureaucratic corruption 
when look at it. This make five year 
plan look like long lemi indemnity 
plan-with option galore! 

You want keep pub open? 
Hah! Innis iitudenl don't give damas. 
And soon be eating Mcburger and 
all non-snu)ker vegetarian who lum 
Innis Pub into dcsen wasteland be 
bitchin about thai thing! And lonis 
squirrel be laughing all way to lax 
bank cushy job ncsi in tree when 
real John Browne gel back and for 
Wile sign on pub door. No more 
small milk for him! (Where new 
residence gonna eai? Hah! Varsity 
Restaurant or New College.) Re- 
member motto of Innis squirrel: 
Never plan ahead or mighi do some- 
thing right. ArHl store nui5 in fall. 

yours in new sportcoat, 

Ivan Czcgtcdy 



1 gci the miprcitsion that you 
guys don't gel a tut of response to 
the writing that gets printed in the 
Herald so here I am. The "I am not 
a Man" piece seems to mc to be re- 
flecting u gcnumc dexirc to be con- 
nected w ith the fcminiiK- conscious- 
new (that is viowly but surely emerg- 
ing! > by denying your "mafeness" 

and rejecting the myths thai the 
White Male System has set up for us 
all. It *5 very cool to see a white mak 
question the system that ultimately 
is designed to woric for him only if 
he chooses to play the performance 
game of success, of knowing every- 
thing (or ai least acting like be does) 
and being superior to anyone who is 
not while and male. 

Women's Reality byAone 
Wilson Schaef is a most excellent 
book thai can help women and men 
understarid our culture that is based 
on the white male system and is 
great for those seeking altcmatives 
to it. Wus it really helps helps defme 
the differences between what it's 
like for a woman to live in the WMS 
ar>d for a male also aiKi how it fucks 
up our relationships arul causes so 
many problems. I'm just starting to 
learn about this myself and if any- 
thing lt*s life affimiing and things 
are becoming a lot more clear. 
Well, that's all! 


Cynthia Macri 

Bliu sez: 

Thanx for the letter . but I 
have a few quibbles. 

/) I'm not denying my 
"maleness". but raiker my manli- 
ness. "Mate" is an anatomical term: 
"man" is gender. 

2) You're kind of harsh on 
white mates. Yeah, most of 'em 
aren't the sort of people I heavily 
dig, but then again I could say the 
same for most black males, oriental 
males, white females, etc. why don't 
we drop the labels and say thai the 
system we have - the Deaihkuhur * 
sucks, because it encourages domi' 
nance and hierarchy and discrimi- 
nation ? I mean . would things be any 
better if black H'omen ran things? I 
doubt it. If the underlying attitudes 
didn't change, and to suggest other- 
wise is - ahem - pretty sexist and 
racist, if you ask me. 

S) I don't want to be con- 
nected to the "feminine conscious- 
ness" any more than I nun/ to be 
connected to the "masculine" one. I 
want to take the best parts of both 
and use them to t/ecame a better 
"humyn" . (Is that a word yet?) 
I'm sorry to appear so harsh, it's 
just that your letter points out a lot 
of what hugs me about what I know 
of feminism (which isn't nearly 
enough, ftut life is short...}: the ever 
present temptation to. having 
pledged to fight pro'male sexism 
( perhaps the most worthwhile battle 
going), and slip into pro-female 
sexism- It's a thin, tricky line to 
walk, but you can't make peace by 
killing and you can't stop sexism by 
being sexist. Remember thai none of 
us created this system, and while it 
does hurt females more than males, 
nliimaiely it fuchi up everybody, 
and it is thus in everybody's interest 
m trash it. starting - of course • 
inside yourself. 
Love and Hevoluiion. 



To Richard Stirling Robiason. 

You are hereby served this 
notice of the search for Tony and 
George for ;he purposes of investi- 
gating any changes in their aiuil 
viscosities. Plca&c refdy. Failure to 
comply... well, you know. 


The Notice Server 
Circus Wcllbcing International 


Dear Prudence, 

I'm being followed 
by a moonshadow moortshadow 


Dear Unhappy 

There are several solutions 
10 this predicament of yours. You 
could start with these suggestions. 

A. Stan walking arounddur- 
ingtheday. Although. 1 guessthen 
you would be followed by a sun 

B. You could af^tfcciaie the 
fact thai you're not a Siamese twin 
because then you'd be followed by 
two nKKHvdiadows. which would be 
a real drag. 

C. You should be happy 
knowing Uiat you'll never be alone. 
Maybe the nmooshadow is just 
lonely end wants a little company. 
Why dwi'l you think, of the needs of 
oihen once in a while. 

Change your attitude. Be an 
optiml^. You should be leapin* and 

As always, 


Please seitd any questions, comments, 
complaints, combusiable Items to Pru- 
dence care of the Iruils Herald. 


\ll SIC 



Chris Hunter 

Tiiu Cooper 

If you're like many people 
in this small mctrupoiis we caJl 
home, you're probably mighty sick 
ortiw local music wcne. Well folks. 
thtngK arc looking up. There's a new 
baml m town and they're ready to 
put a tittle rock in your sock:^. The 
Lccjther Uf^^rs. Greg and Craig, 
(hey, they rhyme), a two piece band 
that'& a little different with a whole 
lotla claNS. I went to see them play 
at the Niagra Caf^ last Saturday 
night. The crowd of about fifty where 
taken by surprise when The Lrather 
Uppars look the stage wearing blue 
tuxedo*, and boyi.vh smiles. The 
"kids"". suflKwhai scrappy, nmstly 
drunken, seemed tu gis e the Ltrather 
I'pprrs the old thumbs up. as 1 
heard wk group agax'lng: "Hey. 
tittAf guys arv funny!" Greg and 
Craig graciou-sly agreed to be inter- 
viewed fur the Herald, and I urge 
you to show up at their next gig and 
give per.oiKJ)le guy;, your 

I talked to the Leather Up- 
pvri tntheveryconiforuble%etting 
of Greg's apartnttffli. I think you 
wilt learn u tot about guys and 
their bajul by what they had to say. 
I muNl admit that there w its a need to 
simplify a little, .since Gn;g and Craig 
are perhaps -»o uniHed they 
tended to answer questioas to- 
gether... tOh. by the way. T stands 
for me.) 

f. / wuf(/ to iturt off by saying that 
you }iuys look yreat tit yimr ru-xeUos. 

Jayjf. in fmt it s usua/ly the oppo- 
site, so h >i_v do you wear tuxedos? 
C: Idon'ibclieveinihecasualdrcss 
of a lot of these bands today . When 
yuu go on stage, it's important to 
look, good... 
C&G: for the kids! 
C: We like to dress up a.': nice as we 

/", $o do you always wear tuxedos? 
C: We also have other matching 
outfits that we're not at liberty to 
discuss right now. We want to keep 
them as a tivsh surprise for our fans. 
O: We tike to wear matching ouifics 
so that when we're on stage, people 
can get 3 .;ense that we're reaJly 
logethct, unitied t guess, 
r /■ vr \efnyour ^tickersahoullown 
.spi/riin)i J JtufnonJ lof(o 
G: Vcs. that's tvur "Eniblem of 

/ , Sol/us ail tu'\ in with your tiL\edo 

ittviif . 

C' Exactly. 

/ AnU now. 10 L ontplelcly i hanfte 
tht' lopu . I wanted to ask yon ahottt 
I 'Hi- I'/ \our Sottas which t found 
'Ww/t" Ooofile\ E\es" Who it 
Wf.v/i'/ Got)ftJe\ E\e\ ' 
G. Misicf Got>glcv Eyes is actually 
a k ind orenibodmn:nli,>f, or a iribuLe 
ly c er y kid, be they a boy or a girl, 
uho wears gUvses. 
C tspeciatK thick oiks. 
G I juM say •Misier" cause it 

/ S.I '.I'u iui\e an timer sympathy 
Ik>i Kid.\ Hho wear t.»>Ae hotlie 
\i!u.\se\ ' 
G&C. Yes. 

/ Lh - i'iihi-r .// um wear nlax\e% ' 
t d«i. but only when I'm driving 
w *aiching movies. By the way, Td 
like to add thai MisierCtooglcy Eyes 
».s also a song about mncr strength. 
To quote: "Mister CH)og(ey Eyes, 
You ve got to hold on. Mister 

Googky Eyes. Vou've got to be 

T: So, who wrote these lyrk s? 

G: I write most of our lyrics, but 

Craig viTote the words to our soon lo 

be hit. "One Eyed Girl *. 

T: At your show . you played mostly 

originals, but t did notice a few 


C: Well, out of about twenty songs. 

three or four are covers. 

G : We do the covers to keep the kids 


T: What covers do you do? 

C: Around ChrismMW lirrw. 

G: And il will be in tocaJ stores that 

sell atlenuiive nwsic. 

T: Like Dnfn^ ood or Vitrtex? 

C: Exactly. AtkI wc recorded it on 

campus, at CIUT. 

T Is your hit. "One Eyed Girr im 

your siagte? 

C: Yes, it's our lead off track. 
. &j there are more than two songs 
on your single? 
G; Yes. six. 

r. Your songs we generally short 

C: We cover 'The Facts Of Life" 

theme from thai super T.V. show 

lhai we all know and love and we 

also do "WKRF'JV / guess you 

guys really like T,V.? 

G: Wc realty like Alan Thicte's 


C: Yes. he wrote '^*The Facts Of 
Life" the me and also the theine to 
"DilTerent Strokes" which we'nf 
worfcing on. 

T. Tweiuy svitgs. that's a lot. Yuu 

guys havr only been together for 

how long? 

C: Two months. 

G: No four. 

r. There seems to be disagreement. 

C: Well, 1 didn't feel I was in the 

band for the first while. ~. 

G: In a two piece band.. 

C: But now everything is just fme. 

T: The Leaitur Vfpen is not the 

first band you two have played in 

together though is it? 

C: No. we've act^^Uy both played 

in many fine bands, some together 

and some dol 

G: Wc both were in a band called 
KOK« <with two docs over the "O " 
and the sccwkI " K" back w ards ). and 
also a band emitted Meotwagon 
which look the city by storm a few 
years ago. 

T: But It wasn't lust the two of you. 
C' No, KOK was a five piece luxu- 
rious band, and \teatw-agon also 
had other members besides u-s. 
G: Meaiwagon^ Td say. wa.s our 
biggest underground alta-n>etal 
laltemative - metal) success. 
T IfMtatwagoMwus "alta-metat" . 
how would you describe the Liratktr 
G: That's lough. 

C: The Leather Vppvi s is nwre of an 


G: Surly... 

C: Down home.rock and lolt. shake 
your booties... 

G: I'd almosi cull it electric tolk. 
Wouldn ' t you agree w iih that Cruig? 
C: No. I would not- I don't liie any 
folk music. (I wouldn't know how 
(o describe It either, maybe mini- 
malist funky surf.'.'?) 
r Lei's pass on cfa.\.yt/icatioft then 
and Just kave U Uff 10 your funs to 
decide IheartkatyimurereUxising 
a single 
G: Yes. 

r When IS that going loyi'mr oui * 

C. The philosophy of the iMtker 
Uppers is instant gratification, in- 
stant music. Wc write songs, team 
them die sante day , and are ready to 
play them rtie next. The point is to 
eliminate the middle man. which 1 
guess would be the bass player, if 
we had one. 

T: I guess it's easier making desci- 
sions witU jitst the two of you 
G: A lo* easier! 

C: I don't iuion how wc got any- 
thing done when wc were in bands 
with three other peopk*. 
T You guys pretty muck share too. 
I mean . yxm take turns playing drums 
and playing guitar and singing. 
CrYeswedo. We're muititalcnied. 
although Greg does most of the 

C: We Idtc to be as unified as pos- 
sible, nut just our outfits, but oui 
whole style and stage performaoce. 
T: Speaking of performing. I'd like 
ta close this inteniew by asking 
about any upcoming shows. 
C: Wc have many in the works but 
$0 far. the only confirmed dale wc 
have at this tune is for a gig in 
Lcmdon. Ontario during Tlianksgiv - 
ing weekend, CX'tober 1 1 and 12. 
G: At a place called The Btvnswick 
Hotel, not to confused with 
Toronto's Brunswick House. I've 
never been there but Cnug has. 
T: How did \ou swing a gtg i/i 
London? On repu/ation alone? 
Q: Our stickers got us the gig! 

Yhe Leather Uppers w ill be 
playing ai die Bruaswick Hotel m 
London. October \ \A.\Z. 

Look for flyers annouiKing 
local dates won! 

Rrst things fim: the shows. 
This summer I saw BTO. An amaz- 
ing cooccn. Mr BachmAn rczdly 
means ti when he says "Rock is ray 
life." Ray Charles was good, too. 
I've heard that he always is. I liked 
the sexual innuendos. The Doobte 
Brothers put on a great show pby- 
ing all the classic tunes, but the 
crowd was so lame they kiihla killed 
the feeling. Lynyrd Skynyrd fuck- 
ing bicw away the crowd of crazed, 
talooed badasses who showed up at 
Kingswood for the "reincarnation" 
(appropriately put. 1 feel) of South- 
ern Boogie. If anyone was there. 1 
was the chick down froru and center 
on the guys' shoulders during the 
ihiny minute perfwroaiKe of "Free- 
bird". 'Nuf said. Thanks Jon. 

I'd to thank Dave, my con- 
cert buddy, who went lo Rod Sie- 
wan without me (and with Sicvct, 
because \ couldn't make it back for 
the show. What a trooper. Anyway, 
now we'vecometoiheserious stuff. 

This summer, ms l"ncnd> 
and I got ripped off. and I'm w orried 
about you. dearrcaJcr. Yeah, it could 
happen to you. This "big busmesa" 
bullshit that's wofTtKd its way into 
the music industry' ever since the 
suiies, has gotten way out of hand. 
You can't even stand on your fuck- 
ing chairs anymore without some 
bigeunuch oii steroids pounding the 
shii out of you. 

Well. I'd bought tickets to 
see '"Operation Rock "n' Roll" be- 
cause my favorite band is .Mo- 
tofhead My two best fneods trav- 
elled over a hundred miles and even 
got tost in Toronto and fucked up 
the tnuismission on their old T-btid. 
just to see this band There w ere 
three or four other shitiy bands on 
the bill, but 1 can orxly renumber 
that Cooper and Priest were two of 

Actually, seeing Halford 
knock himself out on that prop al- 
most made it worthwhile, but I'm 
getting ahead of myself. 

I heard a r\iinour two days 
before the show, that Lemmy (Mo- 
torhcad's lead singer, in case you 
didn't know) had fallen off stage 
and broken some ribs, t think a friend 
heard it from MuchMusic finx. \ 

adm tre M uch. They ' re on the fuckin ' 
ball. Unlike the pronaoters QI07. I 
like the staiion bui scxneumcs I ihink 
they ' V e got their heads up their asses, 
or sOTKthing. 1 kept calling them 
and asking them about the rumour 
but they didn't know nothing. And I 
even called the ticket outlet. Same 

So we went down to ihe 
CN'E. and wc found out for ture 
while the concert wis in progress 
thai Motorheadwoukin'tbc playing 
arul we couldn't get a refund "be- 
cause they weren't a beadlinmg 
band" So who was headlining? 
There » ere f our f ucki ng bands play - 
ing and nobodj fucking specified 
that so and so was headlining. When 
I wcni to see the E>oobies at 
K ings w ood Joe Wal ih w as s ' posed 
10 be opening, but he dwin't show, 
and yet they had a big sign saying 
s ou could gel a refund C ' mofi. CNE ! 
Thai is the most bullshit polic> I'sc 
eser beard! It's nobody's business 
who I paid to sec • if the promoter 
don't deliver what they promised, 
you should get your money back. 
Especially in a loolly tucking nebu- 
lous situalioQ like this one. ubm 
four bands are playing. 

1 just wanna make sure Imus 
readers know how easily promoters 
and sponscrs can screw s-ou over. 
Last tirrte Motorhead played, if )ou 
bought tickets and wonted a refund 
because Motorhead cancelled, thf s 
charged a fi s e dol lar serv tee charge. 
What kind of shit is that? If yxxi 
didn't get to sec a sbo*. they 
shouMn i be able to keep your five 
bucks. It's "buyer beware** in the 
nineties. Hell, soon they "11 drag > 00 
out if you try and dance. Thoae 

Inctdenily. the show was 
spottoored by Coke and Ntobon's. 
So I'm dnnkm' '50* for the ne\i 
Utde while... 

See you next ish with an 
ArchaoB review, mas be a review of 
a class) Toronto m aicai and Rush 
at Copps. Sony about die Drade. hui 
it had to be said Ma>be I'll get an 
miervtew wiih a prominera 0107 
personality for next ume. though 
after this anick I'm not really ttx"- 
sure .. 

Sanctuary of Free Expression 

WeC Loonce 

At iwelse tKXMi on January 
titVenih, i*^!. a irew pnaeiKc 
emerged on the S<.Hjdicm Ontario 
and Nofihen New York State FM 
dial On thai day. the cdosi ^vwcrful 
campus/conunumty radio station ui 
Canada. ClLTcurreniJy au^ cighcy 
daily and weekly shows with two 
hundred hosts.. aU of whom are vol- 
untecrs, ClLT'svoiunaerskeepthL* 
sianon on the au twcoty-tour houni 
a das . seven days a week, and prv- 
duce radio pn^grams that pros idc a 
real alienutisc to those offered by 
most oihcf ndk» sis&oa:*. The sta- 
uon fills it>auw3vnwithah^end->f 
oewv cducmhooal ind cooumiruty 
prvYr^mming and of cvhitst, tnu 
sic. Virtually anyone can porDci- 
pale, e^^vialty V of T studem. The 
only pcerc^uisite k endtesugn 

Music programming i'u 
CIIT B gctnunely decoasmacovr. 
The scttiiig i> a familiar one - r^inx 
Behind the nucrcfkhooc are fanat- 
ics, people w ith a genume. m^xtaed 
inicirst ui a sasi range of music 
w hich thns es on itsdiffereocev Live 
musK\ ongiiudog h\xn tbe scuioa. 
has giv-cn Uval and tntcnunooal 
bands the opporturuty U3beWardby 
the masses. 

To get a kx^ a ^ wide 
sanety of musical anJ sfuLeo w^wd 
pro^racos. get tbc dc>« cditKn ot the 
CILT-FMpcopam guide For more 
mfutmaoon on OLT-FM and its 
pn>p«m$K » well as tbe nc&t onen- 
tatue oieetti^ cmll ,^95-i>W9, or 
cvwnc down ■? the tfanon at I St. 
CvcTgc Si. . iusi acTvssa (roca Robaro 

Mi S!(. 

I nterview 

I with 


Courage of Lassie 

John Anderson 

Courage of L^ic is play- 
ing al Han Houic's Tinderbox club 

00 October 10. When I called ihe 
band's Ron NcImmi lo aik for an 
itum iew, I was not expecting lo 
hoW one immediately. Bui Ron had 
jtui ftnished dinner aiKl a half botile 
of wine, and tna latkative mood. 

1 did not have to say mach. 

Before I get to Ron's in- 
sights and ramblings, here is some 
background. Ron Nelson and Maddy 
Schenkel met in Vancouver in 198 1 
and relea&ed a mini-album under 
the band name Magic Dragon. They 
tecame Courage Of Lassie in t9S4. 
with the release of their ca&settc, 
Thrfshoid of Hearing. This cassette 
was followed by ihe albums T/ie 
Temptatitm To Euu in IV86, and 
Sin^ or Oie in 1 9)^9. The txmd no* 
comtus of Ron Nelson tguitar. 
percussion and vocals), Madd)' 
Schenkel (guitar, keyboards, aiao- 
haip, vocaU, percussion). Rod Booth 
(violin, accordion, cello.petcussion, 
vocals), Rachel ^felas (bass, pet- 
cussion). and Cotmte Nowe (sound 
lechnioiBi, percussion), Tlvey arc 
now living in Toronto. 

Sing or Die features moody 
personal music very mniniscent of 
Leonjud Cohen. Many of the songs 
are covers, mcluding songs by John 
Foiwrty. Conway Twitty and Sonny 
Bono. Others are tradittonal folk 

The band recorded the al- 
bum on Canada Council gnuits when 
Ron moved to MontreaJ. He admits 
thai the album is "stiiT'. ..ince none 
jf the musicians were in the same 
room at once during its recording. 
Sinn or Die is like a "charcoal 
sketch", and their next album will 
be in '*uUl cukmr". meaning tn a 
nKwe uptempo, jazzy style. They 
w iU fealure s«iw of the next iJbum 
at the concert. 

Much of the coocepc behind 
Courage of Lassie w» inspired by 
Canadian composer Munay 
Schaefet's book The Tvan^ of the 
World, whtch looks 31 Doise pollu- 
tion in different parts of the world. It 
was orie thing which convinced 
Courage of Lassie to move towanl 
quieter music. 

Courage of L^sie has 
played with such acts as DOA. .54- 
40.ihe B52's, the fNrfiee, Blun, and 
New Order. Ron has done "the 
whole gamui" of musical saylcs 
before he moved to folk music few 
"philosophical reasons". Wluii rea- 
sons were th^ exactly? Folk mtBtc 
is understandable. Rm was involved 
in the puitk movement, and unlike 
punk, yuu can understand what folk 
singers arc singing. Ron has "no 
time to fool around"; he wants lo 
communicate to his audience^ and 
folk music, being intimaur and 
hooesL is be&l way to do thai, ac- 
cording to him. Moit nuxlem is 
"mindless shit", be says. When he 
started in the businc&s. punk was. on 
the side of the natives and w^onwn; 
nowadays is it fa^xrisi. I don't ex- 
actly agree, but I assume he's refer- 
nng to the use of violence by thrash 
and hardcore hands. 

Ron is 3 quaner native, and 
nwntiotts die meeting of elders at 
the University a few weeks ago. 
Says Ron, ''if there's going (o be a 
revolutron. it will be by^ihc natives 
- no one else would bwhcr." 

This starts Ron reminiscing 
about the sixties, where everything 
was cheap. inctudi(ig drugs, every- 
one got laid all the tims. and saw all 
big acts when they were just 
starting out (Hendrix. Dylan, Van 
MofTtsoi. Led Zef^ielin, and iotm 
Lennon at Varsity Stadium!) Nowa- 
days you have to go to stores for 
fashion and all the rich kids are 
pretending Chat UKy'rc hippies. He 
is so enihusias-tic about the great 
times in the sixties - "drugs were so 
much better then" - thai I wonder if 
he's having me otl 1 give him the 
benefit ofthedoute. 

Ron pans with a tew words 
oo the major Canadian cities. Van- 
couver is the besi. of ctxuse; music 
and art wok together. One can walk 
a few mites away and be in the 
mountains. Montreal is very 
laidback because it is so comipi. 
Toronta has a healthy music aimo<s- 
pbeze but it is too updghL And 
■^Ottawa is death-" 

Those are the main points of 
ourtaSLSbowupoaOctc^ lOfw 
a t^er^. ftm^-, and fascinating eve- 


For all those idiots that sit 
awake bam- upon hours each night 
prayii^ for a David Lee Roth/Van 
Halen leuiucm. I lave two thuigs to 
say. FiisL get a life. Second, screw- 
it. Ifyouhaven'infMiced,VanIla!en 
\s, a Qiuch better grotq> with Sammy 
Hagar. Roth very colourful and 
Han^yant. but Hagar givis the 
bond great vocals and expanded 
musical prowess. The new altuim. 
For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge 
tatxachcs the group into the nineties 
w ith a vengcncc. 

M the title suggests, there 
is 3 ton of sensujJ lyrics found 
throughout the album. "In ami Out", 
"PouTKicake*', "Heastux Dome" and 
'^panked"^ arc just some of the tracks 
that showcase the sexual cdniou. 
which has been a Van Haten iradc- 
mark f(X years. The song ^Man on a 
MissioQ** arouses interest by con- 
taining the line. "Spread your w ings 
and open w ide". Man AUvc! 

The new relea&e is a product 
of great produciitm. In the past, the 
talent uf Alex Van Haleo {drums) 
and Mich^Kl Axshony (bass) was 
shoved into the background u> give 
Eddie Van frbkn's guitar room to 
move. Even thotigh Eddie is still 
smiling along, there ate other no- 
table aspects to the album. Alex, 
possibly the best rock drummer 
tod£^, is able to blow the listener 

away with hxs great talent. Michael 
supplies a steady, ai times na.shy 
foaks tine. For a great example of the 
two wotking together. listen to 
"Pleasure Dome" fcx the complex 
(kum track and Jarr. style bass. AUo, 
Sammy Hagar's vocab have never 
been stronger, screwing from track 
to track, especially on "Man on a 

Simply. For Vntawfut Car- 
nal Knowledge may be the best 
album Van Halen has ever done. 

Favorite cuts: "Man oo a Mission'* 
and "Pteasute Dome" 
Rating; A 

The Eric Gales Band — The Erie 
Gules Band 

What a rock album! The 
sixteen year old guitar wizard's de- 
but album is a tremendous showing 
fuOy glides from mindbc^lingsok» 
to pow«r packed riffs. Not lo be 
overshadow ed are the performances 
of lus older bnxher. Eugene Cbo&s, 
lead vocals, and chief songwTiter) 
and good IVicnd Hubert Crawford 
((bums). AUofthesongshavecaichy 
vocals, hard melodies and all the 
instruments are booming. Be sure to 
keep your eyes glued to this group tn 
the- years to come. 

Favourite cut: "Sign of the Stonm" 
Rating: B+ 

Kinsey Report - Powerhouse 

The band has finally 
achieved what diey attended to do 
oo their two previous albums, Fi- 
nally, they have combined tbeirblues 
and rock roMs iruo a tight. cohc:$ivc 
package. Even though the lyrics are 
rather mtmdane, the material is 
decent. The great rythm section of 
Ron IMrice (guitar). Kenneth (bass), 
and Ralph Kinsey (drums) is us 
strong as ever. D(Muld Kinsey "s 
gritty vocals and blistering guitar 
solos roll from one track to another. 
A solid effort from one of the bright- 
est young blues groups today. 

Favorite Cut : "Bad Talking" 
Rating : B 

.Albert Collins — It einan 

The -Master Of the Tele- 
caster" blows the listener away left 
and right with his r>cw release, Ice- 
maxL His legendary style of funk 
and blues flows from the opening 
track. "Mr. Collins.Mr. Collins" all 
the way to the end. Collins is a 
perfecliomst at stirring tlw soul by 
using his guitar and vocals in a way 
that only a few onisLs can achetve. 
The nun is a living legervL Gee, can 
you lell I'm a big fan- 
Favorite Cuts : "Iceman" 
Rating : A 


The Twderboji Club, inihe 
Alter Room at Ihe Univemty of 
Toconto's Hat House, a a ncv. 
campus based dnwase fa bve 
nMBkul tatesK in TacDMo. Ma>t 
Tbuodays wiU feiturt a perfom- 
ance by a new or [inle4iso«ii 
Toronto band, add the (ounh Thun. 
day of evety moniti u duUcaied » 
aa qpen stage foe amiMeuf anists. 

. The bands ptaytag ai ifae 
Onfatvary fwm folk toexpensoesaa) 
naaie.iiwluilmgiiiiaandj^oth. They 
aie a good eumpk of mu&ic en- 
joyed by smdenu on campiii. So far 

aodSti^'r tiawcperfonnedtogood 

!Htn*CaiieU »« perform- 
ance airm, »otRe*ha< hWc taune 
Anierwn. who corabiaes spoiitn 
wonJwilhbiaesy sasgatg Hetp««s 
are scmeoines angiy . sobkobjki 
whimsKal. and slwayi very ftmuy. 
Mum of her work s^aiLs against p*- 
etarcfiy aad bigoo?, and a ilwayi 
Kioy anl thou^Wul. 

Cmnigv (.*f Lassw '& the 
tncea wejt-kno«» and oide^ of tbe 
bara^ p^ymg at lAe TuaJeTt.M Club, 
h slamd ia fMC m VaflLviner by 

amxaplistei musicuo Ron Nel- 
son. Their sound is rooinisceia cf 
Leooaid Cohen, and like Leoaaid 
CohetLCiMnigfcflMoie is one of 
Canada's bttt mioical acts. 

The sound of tarade 
changes with each cassene release, 
rangii^ I'nmi ambtem instniznen. 
Bis and pota-punk pop id iwtsy 
e\feriaxaial sounds. Parade also 
creates work in visual in per- 

AShsughfu/'e firB played 
m and the band has no cax- 
sette leteased yet. u already has a 
hiigeToro««ofoik)«ing. htrt plays 
the loudest, fastest. pute*l music ui 
Tonmro. They have been cxxitparcd 
to Mmmiy , MerailKa. anl Public 
Enemy. U ts chythmicaUy pound- 
it>g. ekctrottic, aggressive, and 
above alt challengmg mussc. 

Hwiord Tm.'! self mfcd 
oisietK shoMis off the hand's csceJ- 
teni nttisidamhtpwdbcauQ&i trear- 
niencs of Uadiftoaat folk tunes from 
Canada^ tietand and England, as 
«eU as some ceiginAk and soirw: 
tunes. Don Rom, probably 
Canada's best ai.tiwsiicgttinrtst.Ha 

WtklSmntferrits. atihoiigh 
fbmtedin 1 9S>>. already have a targe 
loUowing diie to their beataiful har- 
monies and to the intnguiiig lyrics, 
which are both humorous and fright- 
ening. The band 's sound, pop with a 
somenmes hard edge, sometimes 
fo&; edge, is lepresented wt]i oo 
their first raasene. Carving Wootien 

Tip SpliKifr celebrates 
Cebit; fiBi miisic coioured by a 
Marittme infhieflce. The musicians 
use fiddles, bodhntns-, banjos, 
whistle, mandola, octofone. clati- 
iKt. jews-hatp, and %ash-K>anl 
They are serkwa about keeping tia- 
ditioaal music alive but are always 
lively, in pcrfonnance and oo their 
three albuns- 

The members of Death 
Am&t^FmHds metal the ftmeraltjl' 
a nuj^al frietsd, and this meeting 
helped to iiEfpinr the oanK of their 
bttfai ifia FthpuxA tmpltcanofts 
probably helped! Tbeff dtsancnve 
sc«ifld ts textuied. emottonal. harsh, 
omawtts. atid. of course, godt They 
are iwnBtiscem of Cocteau Twins. 
SwacEs, a»i Batih^^ They es,pfocv 
the dstrk lancb of sex, reiig*oe, and 

dead) with feeling. 

sunndfr dorofhy was 
founded by accomplished musician 
Da»e Steve nscxi. "The singer. Regh- 
ina. is cUssicalty trained and has 
sung with ctuoch and chamber 
chtNTS, Jfcr voice and love of tlanc. 
ing gives her an energetic presence 
for diis hard edged pop band. They 
have just contpleted a four-tiack 

On the lourth Thursday of 
every mooth there is an open stage 
where snaieur artists have the op- 
potniniiy to perform in a nslaied 
atnxspheteamoi^ their frieatis.The 
open stage is based oo campus artd 
HKttt performers ate or were Mu- 
dents at U of T. It is an e.iceUenf 
Itme it.1 fnp^ the talents of your 
fellow srudciHs. 

The lirst open stage was on 
September 26 and featured folk 
musiciuts and a group of campus 
based poe:s. The club w as full and 
e\er>b<xl> had a good time. It you 
ane ineeivstcd in per^vmtng at a 
future open stage, call J<*n « J51- 
yoii, and check out the next v^pen 
stage on October 24. 


IBr Mldud Kkoo 
n our suuggle to tolve our 
Klf-croied ccologicil 
«it we often neglect lo real' 
isc the •bilily of old practices lo 
M>lve new problems. Possibly the 
most forgotlen. or hidden, solution 
to many of our proMems can be 
found in the plant we used to call 
hemp. Thc<« ire, however stum- 
bling bloclislopromodng this plant. 
Principally the fact that it has been 
madeille^. You see this plant can 
also be grown to produce a bypro- 
duct Icnown commonly as marij uana. 
If produced conunercialty. 

because ofour growing demand, tf 
6% of the land in the U.S. was used 
to grow Hemp for fuel, the IJ.S. 
would become self-sufTicieminir's 
energy needs and would not have to 
go to war for oil tmder the false pre- 
tences or'Esublishingdemociacy". 
This percentage would be even tea 
in Canada. Thioughaprocess called 
Pyrolysis. fibers (of Hemp, wood, 
etc.) are healed up in chamben to 
produce charcoal, methanol fuel oil 
and acetone. The process can be 
geared to a certain need (i.e. Fuel 
oil) and has a 9S% fuel to feed efTi- 

this plant would be able to fulfil 
most of the needs and wants ofour 
society which are now obtained in 
an unsustainable manner. Hemp 
itaiks contain 77% fiber compared 
U} 60% in other plants like wood and 
the seeds have a high oil conienl. 
This gives it many marieiablc at- 

From the stalk of this plant 
we would receive fiber for paper, 
bionuss fiKl. clothes, building ma- 
terial and rope. From the seed we 
u ou Id receive oil for manufacttiring 
plastics, lubrication and paint. The 
seed cus also be used as a food 

Hemp is a multi-purpose, 
renewable plant which, until 1946, 
was highly praised as die most ptx>- 
ductive fann crop available. This 
plant is so productive that in 1942 
the U.S. Depntmeni of Agiiculnue 
made every US fanner view the 
video "Heinp for Victtjry" for the 
wareffon. The video deoiled how 
to get the nxot out of your hemp 

To give a few examples of the vir- 
tues of this plant: 

Heap (or Paper: The most stun- 
ning fact in this respect, is that one 
acre of renewable hemp can yield 
the same amount of fiber as 4.1 
acres of wood This » because the 
piani can grow to 20 feel in 9 months 
and conuins only 4% lignin (the 
glue like substance that binds the 
fibers) while wood pulp contains 
I8-.MH. Because of the reduced 
amount of ligmn in hemp, this would 
mcanihe MmulchminaiKmofchlu- 
nne bleachiiig (which produces the 
nKbt deadly chemical known to nun, 
diosin). Industry nuga/inePu//)d 
Paptr. m June this jcar. wrote an 
ediiortal recogniiing that "U\ time 
to reconsider Hemp". Uniil prohibt- 
tion. Hemp had histoncalK been 
uiK of t^«the pnnuf) s^iua'c of 
paper. This w-uuld alui mean that 
wc wouldn't have to clcar-cui imi 
v^ld growth forests and our cciilogi. 
v'al tiHxln ei-sily would be prescned 
Hemp fur ECncrgs: BionusstitcjLns 
,1 hiotiigkall> produced. rciKwahtc 
s«Miicc ot cncfi:> An c sample ol 
ihl^ |^ wiK»J. hul ihi* IS beixntiinj; 
imivjLiu-sl i% ft Nu^lftinjbtc S4*uri.c 

ciency ratio. The burning of Hemp 
coal produces virtually no sulphur, 
so the threat of acid rain will even- 
tually subside if it is used. 
tieBipforlJMtMd: Henipt:s.nbe 
grown in marginal lands because b-f 
its root structure. It is therefore per- 
fect for preventing clearcuts from 
turning into eroding mudslides, 
curbing desertification, and recon- 
ditioning over-farmed soil. Since 
the plant is a weed it is very resistant 
to insects and needs virtually no 
pesticides (jtiai as ntosi ofour cur- 
rent crops didn't until we got them 
addicted to dw chemical way of 

lUiip tot Food: The Ketnp seed 
contains a protein level second only 
to soy beuts, and. unlike meats, is 
available in a much more digestible 
fotm. Hetnpseed oil (30% of the 
seed) ii lower in saturated fats than 
any other cooking oil, including 
com. soybean and canola. A wide 
variety i>f estracu can also be made 
fn>m the pressed seed cake. 
Heap for ClotklBr- Cotton pro- 
duccn are one of the largest useraof 
pesticides in the world, but this 
would be made unnecessary with 
the resilient Hemp. Hemp is } times 
as strong as Cotton, rruny tiriKS 
more durable, and warmer. De- 
pending on the method of harvest it 
can he grown to produce cloth that 
feels like Silk or Canvas. 

Since the viability of Hemp 
has been established, the question 
of it's legal sutus must be adressod. 
There have been many long sland- 
ing arguments about die legalisa- 
tion of Manjuana but I'll cover only 
a few basic points here. The princi- 
pil reason behind the prohibition of 
marijuana is that it is dangerous for 
pciiple's health and society in gen- 

Society allows people to 
smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol 
(which cause at least 1/2 a million 
deaths pel )earnoitti mention health 
cmtsl and tikewi',c should he al- 
Kvwctt to smoke marijuana which i* 
ntX ncaH> a\ daiigv-uius. 

Maniuaiu i% not physically 
adJiclivc, which u unique In a drug 
w^iriil III kuch vuKtaiKO as Cat- 
t,;iiw. Nkitine, Vallum. Cocainr 

and Crack (which arc both physi- 
cally and psycologicaily addictive). 
Pot does not lead to the V io tence that 
alcohol does and through numerous 
studies (UCTLA, Harvard) no ties 
can befound to cancer among smok- 

Misleading propaganda puts 
Crick. Heroin and Marijuaiu in the 
same category, but, in ttiJlh. the only 
similarity between these substances 
IS their legal status. 12% of the 
population uses Dope (this figun: is 
higher among the post-secondary 
educated like you), and out of those 
people how many do you think are 
hooked on Smack or Coke? Take a 
look around, you 'd be hard pressed 
to find the connection that the pm- 
poganda would have you believe. 

The only thing stopping 
Pot's legaliuiioa is a right wing re- 
actionary fear that people go out of 
CDOtrol when they smoke dope. Call 
me pantnoid. but if the only leason 
our Government bans Dope is so 
that they cim have control over us. it 
seems a slight bit fascist. 

But even this is an invalid 
argument for prohibition of com- 
mcretal strains Hemp. The Canna- 
bii plant can be grown lo have so 
little THC that il could not get you 
'iiigh". The only thing stopping ra- 
Uoinl thought fraoi having it's way 
is the ovcrblowii, overtaaing. over- 
simplified and misleading hype of 
the "War on drugs". 
There are also a few historical uses 
of hemp that are of interest. 

-TYk vs. constitution was 
drafted upon Hemp Paper. 

-Levi jeans were originally 
made out of Hemp for it's durabil- 

-In die I g60's Sears adver- 
tised''Fun harmless Hashish candy". 

-In \9'itSlrclumical Engi- 
neering Magazine deemed hemp 
"The Most Profitable And Desir- 
able Crop That Can Be Grown". 
Because Hemp was so vital to the 
U.S. war effort, they lifted the pro- 
hibition that was placed on it in 
1938 until the end of the war. 

-At the turn of the cemury 
Hashish Pariois were becoming a 
new trend to visit, aiKl were spring- 
ing up all over the U.S. as an ex- 
cepted norm. 

-The smear tactics that tim- 
ber industry owners used to dis- 
credit hemp included such "Guner 
Science" research as "Marihuaru 
Makes Fiends Of Boys In 30 Days: 
Goads Users To Blood Lust" and 
racial slun like "Colored! with big 
lips, hiring white women with Jazz 
Music and MarijQaaa...with the 
result of pfcgnaney". This was in 
the good old days when the devils 
music was a hot item. If people now 
don't believe die lies about Jazz 
Music back then, why do we still be- 
lieve the Myths about Marijuaiu to- 

The book called TV Em- 
pcnr Wean No Ootbe* details 
motv about this incredible plant but 
it is hard to obtain. The book is 
banned in Canada under the Cen- 
sorship act even though il gives no 
mention on how lo "grow your own 

Legalising Hemp would 
solve twopiobletns at once. ItvrouU 
give people the ability to decide for 
themselves if they want to use mari- 
juana for personal cnjoyTncnt. But. 
it would also give our environment 
the break dial it's literally been dying 

by David Weiflcr 

Speeding across Bloor 
Street I watch for opening car doors, 
and other sudden obstacles. I look at 
my cydometer to see what my speed 
is, and wooder. how will time change 
the face of urban transponation? 
The use of bicycles is increasing in 
the relatively flai Skm radius of 
Metro Toronto. The bicycle is a se- 
rious means of transportation, le- 
gally considered a motor vehicle 
under the highway trafTic acL But 
on the street the bicycle is consid- 
ered a toy by most pMple who don't 
use one as transponation. 

Timing the Ughls at Univer- 
sity Avenue I pass the cars nx yet 
uiKler way and establish my line 
around the parked cars ahead. I've 
travelled just over a click (Ikm). 
and my legs are warming up. I can 
smell acigarette from the woman in 
the car ahead of me. As I pass her I 
hear an M Jethro Tull song on her 
car stereo. I laugh when 1 hear the 
song is Aqua Lung. IpasstheAqua 
Lung and encounter the sweet fumes 
of a propane powered taxi. A friend 
at work has started 10 commute with 
a Green Screen: a mask vrith bio- 
degradable disposable charcoal fil- 
ters designed to filter out toxic 
impurities in the air. Bicycle couri- 
ers and no w commu tcrs wear them . 
I try and avoid breathing umilt I pass 
the taxi but the lights go red. 

We sit side by tide at Yooge 
and Bloor waiting for the lights to 
change. I feel the heat of the taxi 
rising up my legs and chest and I'm 
reminded of the massive propor- 
tions of the automobile. I feci naked 
and threatened sharing the road wi th 
this monster, not just in a physical 
way but in a legal way also. 

In the Wink of an eye 1 cross 
Chureh Street. East of Churelicaij 
can again pork on Bloor Street and 
my path narrows. The usual meter 
and a half between the parked cars 
and the right lane of ttaffic docs not 
, exisionthissectionof BloorSuwt. 
Plus the cars come to a complete 
siandslill so I'm forced to ride 
through a fool wide canyon of cars^ 
I sit up tall to spot any potential 
dangers such as car doors, com- 
monly known as "the door prize". 
With two fingers on the froiu brake 
lever and my thumb touching the 
ringer of my bell. I slow to 10 km^. 

I approach Sherboume and 
build up speed, fit>m here to Broad- 
view I'll spriiu. The can travel at a 
higher rale i>f speed here which 
means they will pass me doing twice 
my road speed. Uke other cyclists I 
found this a acaiy piece of road 
before the'oew arid long overdue 
bicycle lanes from Sheit»uiTie to 
Pariimem and across the B loor via- 
duct (Castk Frank to Broadview), 
were installed. 

1 make the lights at Castle 
Frank doing twrnty-cighl clicks. 1 
j round the bend, bounce over the cx- 
I pulsion joint and I'm back on the 
I bicycle lane. Only now do 1 feel 
safe. Only now oie my rights to 
spnce on the nr.J clcariy defined. 
But my rights arc short lived, the 
viaduct is ha- :ly a kilometre long. 1 
readi BroaJview and turn south 
towards m» building. My cyclom- 
etre reads three and a half kilome- 
ters from Bathurst Street. My aver- 
age speed was I7.g5 kmAt Maxi- 
mum speed, 28 km/h. And ray total 
trip lime wasoinc minutes and foity- 
ihrre seconds. Not my fa.\test cross- 
ing, but a good ride. 

It's too l»g. too wasteful, 
loo expensive and it kills. Today's ' 
motor vehicle is still a monster to i 
cities and urban centres. There are ; 
serious traffic problems in Toronto, \ 
and automobile travel is slow and i 
aggravating. If you make good tinie 
driving you will spend more time 
seztdung for a parking space. Or. 
you can save time by spending 
money at a parking lot. 

Motor vehicles are expen- 
sive to own and to operate, but 
they ' rc good for tbc economy. S htiy 
percent of all the world's ia&assr^ u 
based on tbc automobile. Every car 
will require tn its I ifetime and Tor its 
oration a wsrchousc of tnctais, 
plastics, flDkU, fiiel and other mate- 
rials. Also, in exchange for galkns 
of nonr^iewable fossil fuels a car 
returns tons of carbon monoxide into 
the atmosphere. 

Widiin city limils the use of 
the private automobile and certain 
service vehicles should be discour- 
aged. But reasonable alternatives 
must be provided: the federal gov- 
ernment should channel ftinds into 
the research and development of 
alternative modes of transportaboa 
We know that al temaiives to the car 
exisu aod thai they a^ an expanding 
breed i.e:HunianpowcTcdvehicles: 
bicycles. HPVs. pedal-cabs. Small 
engine vehicles: mopcds, scooters 
mocofcvcles and micro-cajv 


^K*^^ Btct'U S»«*^ Sew 

Wc as a society arc jxjw : 
being repro g ramm ed to behave en- j 
vironraentally. This long o\-CTtJoc I 
uxitude towvtfa our ecos>-s:an was ! 
not mainstream in North Aiocr>ca 
uiTtit it became pfT>ffCable. Environ- 
tncnttlly corred behaviour is only 
acoepced and practised when it 
doesn^ in te r f er e with personal in- 
cocne orcoqx)raie pro^L 

If a ciKMce between making 
moocy or saving cnvtnxunent 
must be nude, the todtvtdual or 
corporation bdie\-cs their own needs 
take precedcnL But attitudes musi 
be ocJlcctive when prion t ismg profi I 
m^tng and our en\ inxtmcni. If the 
car^ is where we all make our 
money, then il makes sense thai de- 
stroying the earth utrinutcly inter- 
feres with making that money 

So why can't we n\ake 
moocy on environmentally conwi 
tndustnal and consumer goods? 
Wh>' is it such a siniggic to shift 
economic pdorines lo mcludc 
common sense? N^'hy don'i pip fly"* 
Ho* come a horve won't lead la^If 
to w«cT? The answTTs to these and 
many other spine tingling quest lom 
may never be known 

The HERALD Needs: 
(Please circle one.) 

a. Writers 

b. A good swift kick in the pants 

c. Artists 

d. Editors 

e. Slaves 

f . $2000 for a new computer 

g. Pate 

If you answered "yes" to any of the 
above, then go back and read the 
instructions more carefully. The 
correct answer is all of the above. 

1 II \1 


by Sieve Gravcslock 

There were iwo obvious 
lhing& aboul the 16lh Annual Fc&ii- 
val of Fcsiivak. Firsi: the program- 
men (lid splendid jobs; on paper 
thlii looked like ihe bcu Tcsiival 
ever. H o wcver, must of the fl 1 mmak - 
ers Btuck lo a now entrenched 90*s 
tradition. Their work wos intelli- 
gcm but uninspiring, nuyhc even a 
little hollow. Ous Van Sanl's My 
Own Private Idaho wa.s cniblem- 
mic. It locked clarity and drama 
though you had lo rcitpcci it. (I'D 
reserve further commenl becauw 
the movie's very subllc and com- 
plex and } don't want to dismiu ii 
unfairly; it's not really the kind f*f 
movie you can accurately as&cvs or 
appreciate amidst the constant nuh 
of a film festival.) Second: the best 
films and the best filmmakers 
seemed lo be consciously avoiding 
contemporary subjects. Some took 
refuge in the 70's. the lust decade 
where one could be politically am- 
bivalent and avoid crucifixion. 
Others wcni further bock or placed 
their work in a timeless vacuum. By 
doing so, Ihcsc filmmakers alt 
avoided ideology and forgroundcd 
individual choices and cultural 
compli cut ions. They refused to 
simplify or schematize things. I'm 
not going to suggest that they 
avoided ci)ntemporary lopici be- 
cause they didn't want to deal with 
the bogus politieiution running 
through Western culture right now 
... but then again maybe i just did. 
Anywiiy here arc some of the high- 
lighis and horrors. 

Isaac Julien's Yowif^ Snul 
Hi'bels focuses on a central 70's 
event, the Queen's Silver Jubilee 
when the ScK Pistols first became 
infamous. However, Julien revises 
the traditional view of the period, 
concentrating on groups thai were 
overlooked or ignored at the lime 
(especially by the lel't wing and the 
bohemiaiis): blacks and gays. Dur- 
ing the punk period, bohos consid- 
ered disco and funk anathema, the 
perfect example of mindless corpo- 
rate culture. There was always 
something racist and homophobic 
about this view (though the otOy 
person to point this out at the time 
was Lester Bangs in his britliani 
piece While Noise Supremacists ) 
ai^iulienseis thingsrighl. ForCas 
and Chris, histwoprotagonists. disco 
and funk represent rebellion and al- 
low them a way to express them- 
selves. They run a pirate radio sta- 
tion and DJ around town. 

Yituiift Soul itehels will al- 
most certainty be compared to Spike 
Lee and S»v: N the Htn*d but it 
never even gets close to that sort of 
agitprop. It recognizes rifts and 
complications in black culture 
(especially concerning gays) and 
between an and commerce. Cos is 
gay and quite happy wilh gigging 
every once in a while and cruising; 
Chris wants lo gel their stuiv. on a 
real siation and maybe even make 
s*Hnc money. Julien rcNolvcs these 
dilemmas m personal raihcr ihan 
pt>liiu-al icrms, ihrough irtcndship 
rather thiin ideology. It's a fantasy 
MiluluMi. or ul bcii a partial one. but 
the filnunaker is iw> smart to be- 
lieve in programs and dociriiw. 


John Frankcnhctmcr's )\-ai 
of the (inn IS aboul Joe Sirummer's 
favourite ^ii/a }omi, the Brigadu 
Ro^>i. Though fTankenhcinicr has a 
repuialioti is a leftist (because of 
The MumHurian CaiuJiJttie and 
Dead Battft. an cxtclleni, grungv 
thriller he did a couple of years ago) 
his bean really belongs lo the cen- 

ter. This film documents the ethical 
collapse of i^adical leftist move- 
ments. The leader of the cell the 
characters become involved wilh i.s 
a rulhleas killer, more concerned 
with keeping his group pure than the 
(roubles of the masses. (He's a nas- 
cent burcaucraL) Modelled after 
classic political thrillers like Costa- 
Gavras'sZ,Yearo/lheCun i.s fran- 
tic, shifty and justifiably paranoid. 
The ground keeps falling out from 
beneath you and people keep sur- 
prising you; no one can be (rusted, 
including Ihc callow, politically dis- 
enchanted hero played by Andrew 
McCarthy (whom Frankenheimcr 
actually gels a good performance 
out of.) The rest of the casi — par- 
liculaily Sharon Stone. John Pankow 
and Valeria Golino — - is equally 
good or better. 

Talk 16 has a great subject. 
Uxral filmmakers Adricnne Mitch- 
ell and Janis Lundman followed five 
16 year old girls around for a year 
recording their irials and tribula- 
tions. Ii'sanobte project since teen- 
agers ore talked aboul, marketed at, 
but seldom spoken with. The girls 
were chosen lo represent Ihe broad 
spectrum of Canadian .society. Luck- 
ily, they're smart, loo funny and 
loo lively to fit comfortably into 
calegories. They all come through 
as individuals. 

called The Body Beautifut which 
MHnetimes veers too close lo the 
schematic and e*sy; the intensity of 
ihc emotions always redeem it. 

The oihcr prc^ram was even 
better. For Backyard Movie, Bruce 
Weber collected his fatJier's mov- 
ies and added a written commen- 
tary. The result was an exquisite, 
elegiac meditation on beauiy.highly 
Ui'xCeitMSL (ThrisiopherNc why's 
Relax skillfully dramatizes (he un- 
bearable tension of waiting for HIV 
test results. Stephen Cummins's 
Resonance, aboul gay-bashing, is 
sometimes a little silly but it's very 
c(wmpeicnily done and features some 
great dance sequences. The screen- 
ing for Su Friedrich's weak bul re- 
spectable First Comes Love wa.s 
marred by the worst behaviour I've 
ever cxpcrictKed at the Festival or 
in any ihcaire anywhere. The audi- 
ence, unable lo sit still and shut up 
for the duration of the film (which 
was only 22 minutes) shrieked and 
hollered throughout the second half. 
Sonw members even tried to block 
ihc projection equipment I didn't 
like the film but it cenainly didn't 
deserve that kind of reaction. I'm 
not hostile to audiences expressing 
displeasure but this was utterly ri- 
diculous. U they couldn't sit still 

Every otrcc in a v^tle ihe 
filmmakers lapse; they're generally 
rather nasty to the parents and some* 
limes they set the girb up for cheap 
laughs. There's a rather bald, ri- 
diculous question aboul feminism 
which the giris won't or can't re- 
spond to ( an incident much adored 
by ihc smug Festival audience I saw 
the movie with). Teenagers, as this 
movie shows, aren't prune to ab- 
straction. In fact, ihey're very 
guarded about that son of tiling. It's 
an indicalion of how good the 
filmmakers' instincts are that this 
sort of incident docsn'i happen too 
often. They let the girls set the agenda 
and. when they're discussing im- 
mediate issues, they explode all 
those myths about teenagers being 
empty-headed and shallow. 

The two major shon pro- 
grams included some siinkcrs 
(Richard Paradiso'stv»<'/?//i,e which 
had ihe clTronlcry la ctwnpare a 
filmmaker's minor dilemma to the 
Triangle Factory Fire in which many 
inmiigrani women were killed be- 
cause the owners locked them in) 
and disuppoinimcnts (Christian 
Blackwood's Stephanie and iht 
Madame wa;, obvious ainl beiK^th 
him). For Ihc most panthoagh b*ith 
were pretty impressive. Nicole 
Holofcener and Adum UidiHC did 
some very pn>fevsional ami w illy 
wori wAn^ryiindChit ken Oetifihi- 
The Bauhcrs Quay prixiuced an 
exquisite aninuHcd piece aboul 
dreams ( unlike mmt aninuicdpieccN 
It's rKilhei [MTc io\xs oi joyless ) \* h i k- 
Ngozi C>iiw unth ollered a touching. 
cMremcK personal diKumeniars' 

and accept something that's only 20 
minutes Icmg, what the hell were 
they doing at a short film pro- 

Martha Coolidgc's Ram- 
bling Rose was the best film I saw 
at the Festival and Ihe biggest shock. 
Coolidge has shown modest talent 
before bul nothing like this. Her di- 
rection is elegant and intelligent and 
so is Caldcr Willingham's script. 
The film's trarred by a frame that's 
way too obvious but this is a minor 

There were a couple of bum- 
mers including Terry Gilliam's re- 
pulsive andhypocniicjl The Fisher 
Kinx which revives the most ludi- 
crous 60's romantic fantasies about 
rr\ Kicslowski's Dauhle Life 
of Veroniqiie wasn't terrible bul it 
was extremely arty. Caspar Noe's 
Ciirne was an ugly meaningless 
piece which subsiiiutcs slaughter 
fw ideas, (It won the best >hon film 
pri/e at Cannes.! The worsi fihn I 
saw ai the festival w as Peter McMa- 
hon's Thf Fa{l\. The film tries to 
u.>e (or raihcr rips off) some of the 
techniques Chris Marker um-xJ in his 
unreadable clas-stc Sans Soleil. In 
spirit, though. The hull\ is much 
closer lo Michael Mt>ore\ htHtcn 
dc.Hi>/?itvef<//»J.Wf. nwcking people 
for their bad lastc as if bad (a>le w a\ 
a eardinul sin. If this is true. MtMa- 
hon's stHil ts dtvwncd fw sure In 
one wcne, while viciou!.l> sUnJcr- 
ing ihc people in a jiifi sbt.>p. he 
doesn't even have ihe integniy to 
record iheir actual wivd^ Inste*.!. 
he has acl^vs an^l iu irrvscs put stu- 
pid MatcnKniA m iheir niouthN. 

S. W. Erdaa 

I looked forward to Richard 
Bugajski's Clearcut. His last film. 
The lnierrns:ation, was a fabulous, 
nasty film about life for "political 
prisoners" in a Polish prison. The 
film was impressive in its power, its 
sympathy for its chara^crs. its 
appn>ach to but near cireumv^tion 
of prison film cliches, and its cour- 
age. Bugajski was not allowed to 
make another film in Poland, and 
eventually emigrated to CaiuKla. 

How sad. bul how worxler- 
ful for us I thought. It's always the 
Anvcricans who get the great emigre 
filmmakers: Lubitsch. Lang, Renoir. 
Hitchcock. Frcars.Schcpisi, etc. etc. 
Now Canada gets its own great im- 
port! (We wasted our chance wilh 
Leni Riefcnstahl; some footage of 
Lester Pearson rallying die masses a 
la Nuremberg would sure come in 
handy now as a national unity tool.) 
Unfortunately Bugajski has 
stumbled in his first Canadian out- 
ing. The good news is he hasn't 
entirely lost ii: there are some fine 
powerful scenx^, he shows sympa- 
thy for all his characters. nor>c arc 
devils and none are heroes, and he 
still has the courage lo make a strong 
assault on a system which is so 
rotten that simple liberal platitudes 
won't make it all bctlcr. 

Now lo the bad t\cws. 
Let's Stan wiih the story 
(warning to purisis: I'm about lo 
give away the entire idiotic plot). 
Peter (Ron Lea) is a Toronto "good 
lawyer" who defends a native band 
against logging interests. He loses. 
For less than convincing reasons 
Peter wiruJs up with angrj young 
kidnaps the wealthy logging mag- 
nate ( M ichaci Hogan) . leads the I wo 
of Ihcm hilhcr, Ihilherand yon, biles 
the head off a .snake, flaws the 
wcallhy loggingmagnate's legs.eals 
a spider, splatters a couple of pol ice- 
men's bruins ait over the Canadian 
shield, chops ofT his own finger and 
commits suicide by walking tnio a 

What is this shit? I can see 
I certain things must have appealed 
10 Bugajski when he read the script. 
; butcomeonRichard. Were you just 
soiired of the glacial pace of getting 
your own projects olT ihe ground in 
' ihiscouniry thatyouwercwillingio 
' overlook the siupidity of this slory 
; jusi to actually film again? 

There is an irony here: in a 
' communist country Bugajski made 
: an ami -communist film and now 
; that he's in a capitalist country' he's 
j made on an ti -capitalist film. The 
; bitterness of the irwiy is thai in both 
co-scs he lost his fighi tat Icasi in the 
short term). In Poland he made a 
' masterpcicc that no one could sec 
and in Canada he's made a peice of 
junk that anyone can see. The au- 
thoritarian communists of 1980 
Poland w on by banning his film atKl 
not allowing him lo make another. 
But capitiUism beat him in much 
more subtle ways. 

First and foremast, he was 
bcaicn by corporate, deal-driven 
filmnuking. One suspects ihat there 
has been wic too many manicured 
finger in the pic. C)nc sus^xxis that 
the scenes in the .scnpi were c\alu- 
aied not by the demands of 
logic, nor bcsause thc\ develop the 
characiers. nor ihc stvvy. nor ihc 
issue, nor becau^e ibc> are beauu- 
tui Thc> cenamis vvcrcn'i c\alu- 
aie^l on the basis of duiloguc i^tiieh 
isquitebad) Each scene was ^*^M- 
ousK jui'gco N> the opfxwiunnv it 
pmvidcd lo adN-rrc to the -.hock- 
ey ci-> -Iwelvc-anJ-a-hd If minutes 

i John Har'.r>css has niMcd ihc 

i law of ecorK»riic> which -aalc?. that 
the bigger the budget, ihc stupider 
ihe movie Cleaixui is i nKvIium 
biidgel movie and therclvsre only 

medium stupid. For example, let's 
look at ihc presciuation of the Na- 
tives: ibey are neither Irulian stere- 
otypes served up su^ighi (stupid, 
ajwJ today probably economic sui- 
cide), nor stereotypes sma^wd 
(smart, but too challenging for a 
wide audience and hence not the 
sotmdesi economic decision), 
stereotypes tinkered with (all around 
best finarttial strategy). So Arthur 
is Just ihe lalesi tncamation of the 
Doblc savage, Ihc wily injun, the 
blood thirsty Apache. 

Take the scerw where the 
two white guys sneak off while 
Arthur is becoming one w ith Mother 
Earth. The two white guys toil ar>d 
sweat down a mountain, and they 
make good t ime too. more due lo the 
fact thai they tumble and fail mosiof 
the way. than to any nwuniainccr- 
ing sk ill. Axxljusi when aJI the people 
who've never seen a film before 
think the two arc h«ne free, there's 
old Arthur, clean, swealless. noi 
panting, just standing there like he'd 
been tcleponed. 

li's noi that this xcnc abso- 
luiely couldn't happen, ii's jusi that 
it's happened so many times before, 
and always from the while guy's 
point of view. Now- it's common 
sense that ayoung. healthy, ntserve 
native would move fasier through a 
forest than a Toronto lawyer and a 
petKil-ncckcd industrialist with no 
skin on his legs, but how different it 
would be if we just saw the scerw 
from Anhur's point of vicwl To 
have seen Arthur's run through ihe 
w oods wou Id have been a pure cine- 
malic ireal. the thrill of the virtuoso, 
the joy of controlled speed, the 
beauty and strength arnJ fun of the 
athlete, and the dark delight of fi- 
nally having the advantage over dtc 
pe^^le who've always tio&lyou what 
lo do. In Cleama we don'i get any 
of th'is. Instead we get the w ily in- 
jun, the noble savage, and the inher- 
ent assumption that us while guys 
will never understand hLs kind. 
Bugajski was also beaten by the 
ecoiKxnics of acting in this country . 
Simply put It docsn'i pay to become 
a good ictor in Canada, so our act- 
ing toJeni leruts to drop out in favour 
of feeding iheirchildren.orriMve to 
ihe States, or go to Stralford and 
develop a sirange mid-Atlantic ac- 
cent. Canada does give financial 
reward to pretty faces (like Ron 
Lea) and Johnny Orw-Nolc charica- 
turists suitable for sitcoms (Michael 
Hogan — though 1 am told he can 
actually act: anywaj he's horren- 
dous in this). The only real actor in 
Clearcut isGraham Greene, and he 
is far and away the finest thmg m 
this movie. Greene is a vcr) chans- 
maiic actor, you can't take your 
eyes off him. His nmgc is asionis)>- 
ing: from the outrageous clowning 
in Dry- Lips Oufihra Move lo Ka- 
pujLisinn. 10 his sIotk f»ccd holy 
man in Wish H'o/ir.t. to the 
angT> man with inrwr peace m 
Cieari ut. he ha.s nc v cr yet hit a false 

I realize I'm cutting Bugajski a 
lot of slack, after all. if Graham 
Grrcne's lalcni can shirw ihn^ugh a 
icmble^Tipi.whycaji't Bugajski's' 
S^Tiy indeed: lcH,s of dmxiors base 
monageii lo make givxl tliuvs wiih 
iM>c hand tied behind iheir backx 
\N c ■ 1 1 has c to w ail (iM Bugaisl. i s 
nc\i film beloa-wc can decide ii we 
can acquti him of this vtinkcT oi ii 
the ten stars he lo>t sincv making 
7/ir/m^ir.»ert//(W hdservincdhim 


t in-:!s li ii'iii i< \ii \i li 

■ I 

Praise For Raise the Red Lantern 

SUve Gnivestock 

ChrisioirfKr Mimch's Tite 
Hours and Times focuses mi the 
reUlkm^'p between Beatle man- 
ager Brian Epsiein (wto was gay) 
and bund leads' Jc^ Lemu»i (who 
wasn't)' A cursory description of 
the film may Icui you to expect a 
fuiusy aboit celebrity, perhaps a 
combiitation of Almodovar and 
Dociofow. Instead, it's a sincere 
drama about the friendship between 
an older, educated gay man and an 
eager-to- learn, younger straight. But 
it's rml a gay rights polemic: it's 
iHxtader, dealing with (he nature of 
friendship — its demands, rewards, 
and its often transitory nature. 

Hours and Times has an 
almost elegiac tone. It's set in 1963 
not kwig before the Beailes broke in 
the U.S.. when life changed dra- 
matically for both Epstein and Lcn- 
non. Epstein, of course, died four 
years later. 

This is only Munch's third 
feature hut it's a very assured piece 
of work. His cinematography (he 
dideverylhing — shooting, editing, 
dircciing. producing, and financing) 
is clean and precise; and he gets 
strong performances from both 
David Angus, as Epstein, and Ian 
Hart who plays Lcnnon. 

At times, the movie scemsa 
liulc too sincere and slow, but it's 
ultimately quite rewarding, offer- 
ing a refreshingly modulated view 
of friendship. It was a real respite 
after the Iwrcndously "artistic" 
Came, the movie it was paired with 
at the Festival, i spoke with Munch 
in the Sutton Place HotelTea Room 
after attending the Ous Van Sanl 
press conference. We talked a little 
about films we'd seen — he's a big 
Agnes Varda fan — and then got 
down to it. 

Q. What sparked your interest in 
Brian Epstein? 

A. Hisck)lhcs actually (laughs>.No. 
it wasn't so much him as the idea of 
fricndNhip. When you have a good 
f ricndship, 1 1 ' s a very mov ing thing. 
This one is very painful bui in a 
good, tnmslofniaiional son of way. 
It's very compelling for bi>ih of ihetn. 
I'1 really a Beatles fan before 
1 became interested in the project. 
Q. OiJ \ini have any parucular 
prohkin.s wUh t asting '.' 
A. Well, David Agnus — who plays 
Epstein — I nwl very early on in 
prodiKTtion. And once i made the 
decision, that the way he'd ponray it 
was the way I'd hke ii to be por- 
trayed, it was easy to accept him in 
(he n>!c. Finding son>eonc for Len- 
non was much tmwc diffKuIt. 1 ap- 
proached everybody, basically, but 
nobody seemed to be right. Ian Dav ^^ 
(Lennwi) was recommended lo ine 
by a casting director in Liverpool, 
who hadn'i worked with him. but 
who knew his work. 

Ironically. Ian was in Cali- 
fornia while I was in England cast- 
ing. When he came back we hung 
out and became close and then it 
was like jumping into a stream and 
I did it. I'd been waiting so long - not 
wailing neatly - but I'd taken cvcry- 
Uiing pretty much toibe poim where 
I was ready to begin, yet I couldn't 
because i didn't have an actor. The 
rest of it was a dream/nightmare. 

I'd written the screenplay m 
1988; it was done ver>- quickly in a 
couple of days. There were a few 
more drafts after that. I went to 
England that spring and we shot it in 
August, mainly in Barcelona, in six 
days . 1 g<x the fi rst print a few nwinths 
later and moved back to L.A. 

Il took a much longer time 
in post-production than I'd antici- 
pated. Though I wasn't working 
diligently all that lime. It was con 
ceived as a project that would go 

very smoothly and not require a lot 
of time; it required it noncthelcs.s. 
It's probably hopeless to think of 
things in those terms: everything 
has its own complications. 
Q. }an Da\is looks a lot like Lennon. 
was this one of your reasons for 
i asliH}( him? 

A. I wa.s worried about that I'd 
admired other perfonnatK:es and 
other productions. For example, 
Yoko's TV special and Bcniard Hill 
in the BBC'sDoy in the Life. Physi- 
cally , we could have done a lot more 
stuff to make Ian look more like 
Lcnnon. For example, his nose. He 
lot^s more like Ringo. 

But. in a way. I was glad he 
didn't resemble him more — the 
clo-ser the likened the more cltKicIy 
he would've been scrutinized. 
Q. Did you alter the script once 
you'd cast the film? 
A. If the film wa-sn't based on actual 
people I would have developed the 
characters more with the actors. 

With David, I adju.sted ray 
thinking a bit. Oiginally, I'd seen 
David in the role of the Spaniard 
they meet in the bar. He wasn't right 
for that. However, he struck me as 
very facile — technically. That in 
itself wa.\ very tempting. I'd basi- 
cally worked with mwe .\incrican- 
Myle. more intuitive son of actors. 
Bui David's classically trained a*» a 
stage actor. 

t really liked ihe contrast 
between the acting styles, lun was 
very different — ail over the place, 
very emotional, but also very con- 
tamed. David's was more of alcch- 
nicai proccs-s. 

Q. Httw J hJ yt >ti finame Hours and 
Times '' 

A, Ididn't. 1 financcdilmyseirThis 
nielhtMl isn't very practical unless 
you're really wealthy, which I'm 
mn. I knew it wiK» a film 1 could 
make on a very small vcale and il 
seemed important thai I did it that 

way. 1 don't ever want to make a 
film that way again, though it frees 
you from a lot of things. 
Q. Did you ever think about shoot- 
ing the movie in colour? 
A. No. Black and while is better 
suited lo people's mental images of 
ihe period — of the Beatles — at 
thai time. On a practical level, shoot- 
ing in black and white lulpcd. We 
didn't have lo spend a !« of nwney 
on art direction to get a good Uwk. 
Q. What areyourpiansfor distribu- 

A. It's only an hour so thai makes it 
a bil difficult Thcalricaliy anyway, 
though I do think ii could run theal- 
rically. ll'sjusl a matter of connect- 
ing up with the right company to 
handk; i(, I don't have any definite 
plans yet though I'm going to do 
more feslivals. The only one lined 
up right now is Sundance. I'm 
hoping 10 get il inlothe AF! Festival 
but I haven't received an invitation 
yet. They haven't realty seen the 
movie since I only finished it about 
a week ticforc I came here. This is 
the first lime anyone's seen it. 
Q. Are you pleased with the recep- 
tion so far? 

A. I'm pleased that the fihn's been 
effecting people ihe way il has. 
Q. What's your next project? 
A. Well, I'm preparing a film that 1 
think I'm going to do. It's a period 
piece set in CaliftHnta about a young 
man who tries to rescue a railroad 
that's going bankrupt. He's very 
crazy, very obsessed with this rail- 
road; it's kind of a Heraog type of 
thingabout the sublimatiph of steel. 
Q. Van Sant was asked if he was 
worried about being classified as a 
fioyfilnimaker. Arc you concerned 
about being pi^con-holcd because 
of Hours and Times' subject? 
A. Not really. It's noi really a gay 
film. Itsappltcubitily Is fairly broad. 
li's un.seliting that neither of these 
people is getting what they want. 
On the other hand, it's leading them 
to where they want to go. It's a 
powerful sort of longing and allows 
them to see themselves in terms of 
their highest values, to achieve self- 
awareness, and realize what they 
warn to be doing, in general, and in 
terms of their life together. 
My next project is completely dif- 
fereni. Not lo say that 1 wouldn't 
cover similar materia in the future. 
There are a lot of projects I'd like to 

Chris PhltpoM 

About a third of the way 
through Zhang Yimou's Haise the 
Red Lantern I got very excited. 
Everything was proceeding very or- 
(teriy, very simply, when 1 slowly 
began to suspect that what 1 was 
watching was nm just another good 
film in a feslival loaded with good 
films. This, I thought, is a master- 
piece. Hav ing thus raised my expec- 
tations I was not once disappointed. 
I cxpericrtccd the greatest of pleas- 
ures: silling and watching vi.'iihout 
bias a great film; a work which is 
timeless, virtually flawless, a work 
which is as simple and pure as a 
prime number. 

Il is a story of a woman who 
becomes the fourth wife ofa wealthy 
Chinese man. It follows the plans 
and plois of the wives and scrvantti 
as they play an inlricaie game dc- 
.signcd for the benefit of the hus- 

The solution lo the prob- 
lems of these characters is painfully 
t^vious lo all of us late 20th century 
Weslem feminists in ihc audience. 
I'm sure we'd all like to shout like 
kids ai a screening of Snow While: 
"Don't eat the apple!" Bui Snow 
White always eats ihe apple. And 
the wives in Red Lutuern never 
thump the lable and cry, "This is 
bullshit! Let's do some conscious- 
ness raising!"They eat their apples. 
It's been said thai Othello would 
have no difficulty with Hamlet's 
predicameni nor Hamlet with 
Oihello's. Zhang. ! ike Shakespeare, 
understands thai great tragedy inex- 
tricably linkscharacteratulsuuation. 
itbccomes painfully irr«k:vani whas 
a viewerwoulddo in the character's 

Our removal in lime, (and 
for Toromonians. in place) allows 
us the privelcge of easy diagnosis of 
the ailmt^ts but we are not allowed 
such disiaiKe that we can dismiss 
the story as irrelevant, tike reading 
some lesser Victorian novel about 
the evils of arranged marriages or 
rcstriciive divorce laws where you 
can toss the book aside after 100 
pages, muttering, "Let them suf- 
fer." Neither is there some cloying 
historical parallel which makes the 
story "as relcvam as today's head- 
Mnea." \a(acu Red Lantern ismuch 
nrorc relevant than today's head- 
lines because these social structures 
arc timeless and univeraaL "I'm not 

suggesting that people still live ihis 
way, only that they still think ihis 
way. Zhang Y(mi>u, 

I've been hesitant to admil 
to myself thai Zhang is indeed a 
great director; one doesn't want lo 
enter mtd iIksc grand pronounce- 
ments li^lly. His firsl fihn, Red 
Sorjihum. was mil quite a great film 
but certainly one of the best first 
films of (he t980's I couldn't help 
feeling while watching his secwid, 
JuDou, that the Central location was 
contrived lo give Zhang (a former 
cinemaiognipher) free reign to play 
with colour, (Another as.sci in these 
films is ilut Hollywood's old dis- 
carded Technicolor plants were all 
sold to China when Hollywood 
"upgraded" lo the cheaper Easiman- 
color process; Zhang hasape IK hant 
for primary reds, yellows and blues 
and Technicolor is clearly superior 
in delivering pure hues.) 

\n Raise the Red Lantern the colour 
and the story bccouK one. Zhang's 
skills as a cinemaiographer do not 
confiict with his desires as sto- 
ryteller. This is 'Zhang's most re- 
fuied film, and .some credit, one 
suspects, musi be given lo Hou 
Hsiao-hsien. the executive producer 
of Red Lantern andhim.'ielf oncof 
the finest directors in contemporary 
cinema. Hou is one of the mosi rig- 
oroas and reserved stylists In the 
history of film. His influence on 
Zhang is subile; Zhang copies none 
of Hou's mannerisms (like filming 
scenes from an adjacent room 
through an open door) but he does 
lifihten his style somewhat. Ever>'- 
Ihing seems more orderly; instead 
of striving for an effect. Zhang now 
strives Idrperfecticm. Hou's influ- 
ence may ruin many a tine director 
( for ex ample Edward Y ang, a fiiend 
of Hou's whose turgid A Brighter 
SummerOay scrccnedalthisyeiur's 
festival), but Zhang's anarchic 
humanism benefits crwrmously 
from Hou's discipline. 

Alliance has picked up the 
Canadian righlsso/ff^ will 
probably be opening fairly soon in 
Toronto. Go see it 


Festival Films That Regular Folks Should See 

Heart Of Darkness: 
A Filmmaker's Apocalypse 

MIffll Cbol 

It's always i bit of a cnp- 
shot which Festival ntms witi get 
picked up for major release. The 
galas no doubl wiU and Ihc cAncure 
&hon films probably will nol. but 
there is that vom middle ground of 
marginally cull and semt-famous 
films and filnunakcrs ihai may be 
doomed (o obscurity or possibly 
revived through videa Among ite 
nim;. I saw during the annual bac- 
chanalia in Toronlo, ihcM are the 
ones I hope will return so regular 
folks can see them: 

I saw Derek Jarman's HJ- 
ward li and Gus Van Sanl's My 
Own Private tduho on consecutive 
nights. These choices came by 
accident rather than by design, but 
in retrospect, t think they would 
make an intriguing double bill. 
British Jarman and American Van 
Sant work as unapologetic and sub- 
versive undercurrents in their re- 
spective national cinemas, so it is 
noteworthy that both have used 
Elizabethaji texts to base their latest 
films. Jamian uses Christopher Mar- 
lowe's play and Van Sant lifts a 
good chunk of Shakespeare 's Henry 
IV. You could call it pushing the 
envelope or whatever — but frankly, 
that has become an overused {^rase 
\\\vxx meaning has been worn out. 
Undoubtedly, there is some shock 
value in their motives, but both films 
(probably more so with Jarmon). 
demand a cUfie examtnoiion beyond 
the bludgeoning style 

First, there is the whole 
homosexual theme. 
is political as well as romantic/erotic. 
The fact that f^crs Gavcston (An- 
drew Ticman) has both the ear and 
love of the king enrages court and 
ckrgy and so his exile and uhtmute 
demise are plotted and executed. 
Thus, the audience'ssympalhygws 
to Hts tragic lovers and scorn to the 
self-inieresied hypocrites; "society." 
as it might be called today. Al- 
though the period and language are 
archaic. Jarman treats the narrative 
as current, may be even universal. 

St>me o^T reviewer has 
conimcnieil thai the modem dress 
of Jannan's characters is quite con- 
fusing and distracts from the narra- 
tive. That reviewer has totally 
missed the point and probably did 
not see Jarman's previous work, 
Caravaggio, which also showcased 
the same ttrchnique to a lesser de- 
gree. Katharine Haninetliscreditcd 
wilhlhe wanlrk>beand hercimiribu- 
lion is most visible wiih the T-shirts 
thai lecall her "Choose Life" poli- 
tics. The queen ^Tilda Swiftionns 
garbed in Chanel, Thierry Muglcr 
and that il&.auphasizing an imperi- 
ous Iad> \fcho luiK'hcs: the haughty 
bourgeois look as if done by Hardy 
Amies, not coincidentally the de- 
signer ut~ten chosen by the cuneni 
Queen. These, I suspect, are no 
mere accHknts. The pageantT> in 
which the British pride »hemselvti 
is slyly parodied in ancient and mod 
cm form-i. The ancient quality is 
conveyed by the stark sienc walls 
that suggest ihoac drafty castles and 
ft«tres.%es of kgend and sometimes 
of tourism. The modem dress indi- 
cate v quite clearly , that the issues of 
Bdwani U's tinK and the hypocrisy 
of ibuse who got mvolved in the 
king's afTair\. exist now as then. 

Van Sam ncscr rcaUj 
handles hotnuiexuality Mraighttw- 
wurdJy ScoltFttVi>r|KeanuReeve%t 
arkl Mike W»ier> iRivci Pbocnul 
arc nutc prualituto, but beyratd the 
thrill aiid the mone> . no judgements 
arc invited in the whole film Tht.> 
has the cflcct boih of being hip (hey . 
nun. kt them do whaicver they w ant 
indbecooWandimrspimsible. Like, 
these kids do seem tdkc they'n: 
haxtnga toiof tun. Maybe, being a 
prostitute would really be okay ; a 

difTerent way to see Portland. Idaho 
and Italy, but it is a little ludicrous 
thai the narcoleptic Phoenix doesn 't 
get robbed until way lale in the film. 
So. okay, we're not supposed to 
think about their essential erotic 
desires and when Reeves nwcis 
Cadmitla (Chiara Caseiti), it U a 
dead issue. Also, when Reeves an- 
nouiKes, In son of a soliloquy to 
hang up his spurs, as it were, and 
return to the family fold, the film 
becomes largely an exercise in his 
devious ways. 

Van Sant's real strength is 
the portfaits within the film. The 
tandKapeof hcanland America artd 
rural Italy come off as really capti- 
vating. His editing is slightly cute, 
but it 's just occiuTcd to me now itiai 
it's compleicly taken after Jim jar- 
musch's Strangrr than Paradise. 
Given that, it's rather mystifying 
that My Chk'n Private Idaho won the 
critics* prizosifKe critics hate works 
they can identify as derivative. 
Maybe no one else thought of it. 

One peq>lexing aspect of 
Edvt'urdll was Annie Lennox. She 
shows up while the lovers arc danc- 
ing to sing a beautiful song beauti- 
fully. But she isn't introduced as 
any particular character and disap- 
pears after this cameo. That would 
all be okay except she gets fairly 
prominenibilling. AUIcan think of 
is that her luune and iarticipati<Hi 
made financing easier iot tjae film 
and Jannan probably needed lu 

My favourite fihn was M<Uorarmi. 
part of the Midnight Madness pro- 
gramme. Ten-year-okl Gus saws 
together a pair of leg extenders and 
steals his parents' '6Qs-model 
Mustang and takes off across the 
country. Montrama isfuntouatch 
lor the cornucopia of cameos: some 
hkc Drew Barrymore who. proba- 
bly out of cummt overexposure, may 
be missed in a blink of an eye. and 
(Khers tike Jack Nance (TwId Peaks' 
Pete Manetl), who provides a reso- 
nating subplot on his own. 

Gus' journey across Other 
Anwnca ts fuelled by his desire to 
play AlMtVYima.acomesi sponsored 
by participating service stations. In 
his quest to secure all the tetters, 
particularly thai elusive "K." we are 
consciousoftheinhcrentscam But 
like those box-tops of )oit and \he 
Uxteries of today, there is an undeni- 
able attraction and an innocent de- 
sire lo win big. Tbc ineviubte fall 
suggests a disappointing. predK'i- 
able ending, but peHvaps by aniici- 
paling thiv director Shils shifts iwo 
a comptciety differcni gear. To 
^uggest the endmg any further woukJ 
really ruin ti. but hopefully thai will 
entice you to see it when a does 
sho* up m theatre vt viiJco. 

When Bany ShiU vhowed 
up <i ihe Fe%ii\al prrmfcre with 
supporting pU>ei Mary Wofwnov 

in low, he looked very much like a 
death-row convict. Bui according 
to the promo material, he is actually 
a fine-ans grad from Yale and has 
worked on other films such as Man- 
hattan and Tht Warriors ar«l the 
last few years on videos. These 
credentiaU are noteworthy because 
while Moiorama is ShiU' directo- 
rial debut, it is beautifully shot artd 
bears no teltlate seams (at least to 
my eyes) of an early worit that some 
other Midnight Madn«s shows 
painfully display. 

The biggest disappoidtmeni 
was Michael Apted's 35Up. The 
earlier installmcnl. 28Up, was such 
a huge, wild iruemalional .success 
that great aniicipaiion could not be 
avoided for this one. The director 
even showed up, not only to plug the 
film, but to graciously take ques- 
tions after the screening. Unfortu- 
nately. 35Up is, for some reason, a 
rehash of 28Up with a receding 
hairline. I'm r»ot trying to be cute 
about it, because very few people 
are doing different Oiings from seven 
years ago. So. if you haven't seen 
2SUp. you won't be at a great disad- 
vantage if you should decide to see 
35. except the former is s much 
better film. Those in 28 who found 
bliss and children are still the same 
in 35. The newest and really wtly 
issue is what effect this whole proj- 
ect has had on their lives since they 
are occasionally recognized. They 
all say it 's rather nice, but they wish 
they could just continue on with 
their lives ami so on. They're Brit- 
ish, what else can you except them 
to say? 

The one person I really won- 
dered £boui in 38 was Neil, the 
futiculate vagrant. 1 was certain he 
would b« dead for this installment, 
but no. be Is still hanging on, living 
in a beautifully isolated pan of Eng- 
land and involved in community 
theatre. U would be terrible to say 
that I was disappointed that he was 
still alive, but the overall theme was 
that they had all entered middle- 
age, both chronologically and men- 

Michael Apted remarked 
that he was impressed with the 
audience turnout since docun»en- 
tary is -the poor brother in the film 
iiKluslry ." This project is really so 
fascinating that it can pave the way 
for other documentaries and the 
genre as a whole. And the audience 
was enthusiastic not just by num- 
bers Among questions Apied 
fielded was why some from had 
been left out without comment. 
Apted responded that they had made 
some editing decisions, hoping that 
no one would notice, but he shcepisly 
added, "obviously people have no- 

Another disappointing ele- 
ment was that for a soci;d docunxn- 
lary, 35 is rather out of date so- 
cially. Bruce, the socially conscious 
teacher is now in India, teaching 
and absorbing the local culture. But 
he has not yet found love. Apted 
asks hiin what kind of woman be is 
attracted to and Bruce responds 
sonKwhai evasively. But who's to 
say Bruce wants a woman? h seems 
that this possibility does not occur 
lo Apted. I kiww ihis was alt ineam 
for television but, as they say, this is 
the nineties. Even if the film uas a 
few years old. that was the eighties 
and the questikw should have still 
occurred to Apted (I must, at this 
point, credit these remarks to ni) 
film companions. Kevin and par- 
tKulart) Lisa, who realty v.aniedto 
bruig this point up with Apted. but 
was sirK'kcn with uncommon \h)- 
nevv) So,, frankly. I don't see a 
future iw42Vp. unlc^k a few of 
ihe»c people do something truly bi- 
iMn. But,tltfy'RBntish.wwh3('» 
the likelihood'.' 

Steve Gnvestock 

Film critic Paul Coaies once 
remarked thai maybe all major films 
required the son of detective work 
Pauline Kacl did in her seminal essay 
Raislog Kane. W 1 ih Heart of Dark - 
ness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse, 
co-dircctors George Hickcnloopcr 
and Fax Bahr aj^xar lo be acliog on 
this advice. Their documentary is 
more a piece of criticism than a 
film, though it's not shon on drama 
Of humour ( in fact, K has more of 
both than most of this year's fic- 
tional releases). The film explains 
just what went wrong with 
Cc^ipola's Apocalypse Now. the 
turning poirvt for Coppola both dra- 
matically and financially. He never 
really had a hit or made a com- 
pletely satisfying film afterwords. 

Combining footage shot by 
Eleanor Coppola (Mrs. C) during 
produaion. inlerwiewswith the prin- 
cipals then and now, and Orson 
Welles reading Conrad's Heart of 
Darfcncssfthe fibn'ssource). Hick- 
enloopcr aixt Bahr explode aruj 
■ verify some of the myths surround- 
I ing the production. Coppola didn't 
i go crazy as rumoured. He became 
[ tnore and more egomaniacal largely 
I because he was so overtaxed. (He 
' wrote, directed, financed, argued 
: with his producers, haiuiled the 
! press, rewrote and negotiated with 
; the Rlipino army.) 

Rush after his astounding 
; critical and financial success with 
' The Gottfathers, Coppola decided 
i to break from the studios and pro- 
i duce something free from all that 
rigamarote. He'd shoot John MU- 
I ius's adaptation of Conrad's cUts- 
I sic. a script he wanted to produce in 
; the 60's but couldn't finance. He'd 
I make the movie his way. with his 
I money; moreover, he 'd deal opeuiy 
> with the secret subject of most of 
! the great American films of ihe 
i period, a subject the studios 
1 wouldn't touch: Vietnam. 
I Hickentooper and Bahr 

! make it clear very early on that 
\ Coppola has no real interest in 
Conrad or Vietnam. He simply 
: wants to make a movie because he 
: can. He realizes that there's some- 
: thing dreadfully wrong with the 
whole enterprise — constantly and 
feverishly proclaiming that he's 
; making a BAD movie — but he's 
unable to abandon or rethink things. 
: The costs would be too high both 
:. financially and in terms of prvde. 
I (Directors need big egos to keep 
! things together and, if Coppola 
I turned toil after snubbing the stu- 
i dios. he'd ne\er be able to pontifi- 
: cate in that town again.) 

So he panics — flailing 
I wildly for any solution. Try ing to 
' make a GREAT woii. ihough he 
' knovts he can't because he has no 
i interest in or any idea of ho» to 
address the subject- Irt what is per- 
haps the film's funniest mxikwt. he 
incs to get Brando to improvise an 
end i Rg despite the f act I hai B nndo ' s 
never even touched ihc book and 
Cc^>pola hasn't aciu:illy given ilv 
actot a char*:icr. (Once Coppola 
jettisoned Milius's original ending, 
the script wa^ alwa>s in varrous 
; stages of iRcomplciioo. Apparerul) 
i all of Brando's scenes were impro- 
visedL ) Coppola etKiHintcrs ihc 
; same problem wiih Manm Sheen's 
character and Owotsdcperately until 
' they gel tired or stumble o\cr some- 
' thing thai took^ dramai>i:. 
; Coppola isn't anted by hi^ 

pcculwr gitfc>, hi> reputatrjn. or the 
} people around him — \»ho are ci- 
ther atrwd to tell him o*T iv tco 
I impre^^sed b> him or hLv ronunii 
i circd bullshit to conorive oi such a 
i thing. Or ma>bc they're jusi i'«cr- 
nutcheO. John Mtlias am^cs in tale 
to get Coppola to listen to reason 
, After a bnef nveiuvg. he kaveN 
Coppola's o>lTu.>e ^vxi^ tnccd that 

Apocalypse a-ill be the fu3l 
film lo win ibe Nobel prize. Eleanor 
Coppola, gushing girlishly about 
Francis's journey into the depths of 
hjs soul, consianily reaffirms Cop- 
pola's bloated, histrionic view of 
himself He sees through this bui 
he's so infatuated with playing the 
rote of the plagued, desperate artist 
that he can't act on this krwwlcdge. 

Hickcniooper and Bahr 
reveal more surprising fans aboui 
Coppola at this point in his career. 
AflextheGodfalher sagx you proba- 
bly believed that Coppola was ca- 
pable of onyihing, even big-budgei 
spectacles. The Cottfaihers were 
turdly small films, but the docu- 
meniarians show tttai Coppola was 
IcmpcrmcotaJlycompleiely unsuiied 
to this son of filmmaking. He re- 
peatedly tries small film, low budget 
techniques — like improvising en- 
lire scenes — despite the fact ihai 
he 's making an enormous movie. At 
one point he tries to justify shuaing 
down the production, so that he can 
rewrite the script and crrate a suit- 
able ending, by arguing thai major 
studios did this all the time. He 
Mithcly neglects to mention that they 
never shot on location because of 
the cost. There s another irony here; 
Cupola left the snidio& but uses 
them to validate his actions. When 
C<^>pola isn't try'm$ to stumble on 
something, be goes for cheap "cine- 
malic'' effects, as if he were stage 
nunaging a heavy metal show. There 
was a lot of money spent on smoke 

Throu&soui iheirfilm. Bahr 
and Hickeniooper ursieriLne how 
confused Coppola is by placing a 
recording of Orson Wclks reading 
Conrad's book. The stark beaut> 
and and atavistic tcrTor running 
through Conrad's original conrrasts 
sharply s^iih Coppc^ia's fnmic 

The film also illumina ICS the 
disasterous choices Coppola made 
in the ten >Tar? aftenMrdi, Essen- 
tially, he's heef\ iryixig to remile 
Apocalypse, to undo bis misuLe and 
vmdicate himself: each time out. 
usmg the ^ame loappropnaic tech- 
niques. Fnvn The OutsiJers lo The 
Ci^iiivt Club, he Ignored the scnpi 
and relied on improvisation and 
cheesy effect The second niming 
point ui his career was P<i;}£..y Sue 
C<>i Marrtrd where he uuck to ihe 
script and produced a mcsiesi but 
decern piece of work. Since then hi.v 
filire, have been much benei. with 
some cxcrpoons. ihough never ai 
great as his pre-.\pocalypse work 
Heart of Darkness documents e^rn 
nchet ironie:).. ones thit alnxi&t ev- 
icnd bcs-ond Coppola and film- 
making. Coppola >et> out lo de- 
noimce Vtcmam and Aroencan 
imperialism. However, he becomes 
a huge imperialist himself, in ihe 
Twne of ait- He insisis on rrukirig 
ihe nx>v ic on a gnnd scale because, 
xs he expUuvv to hj> cincmatc(:r?- 
pher. .\merKans kN\ty do things on a 
grand scate The mos »c w».\ jKm in 
ihc Ptiilliptnes, foe ihc cheap US-XU. 
and Cv>ppoU paid M&revtv i dKU- 
to.*. lhotisarkj& of doltan i da> to u\e 
his helicoptefv The) re constnaih 
f^> mg oti to attjck the ConmiuntM 
rnxurgcntv No one involved «iih 
the mo> »e realircs how deeply lowv 

thL\ Ik. 

Communist Pamphlet Distributers 
Need Vacation 

Avarice is 
The Boy 

f All Business: 
!er Cash In 

Sua 'Vo&a taste IcOtr" Ffafacr 

So. whsi does the coUapse 
of the Soviet Union mean for Die 
likes of idiot, inurgeois, Torm- 
Ionian students like me and you? 
PiolntMy most of you initjally re- 
acted like me. Over the tut few 
weeks of the summer 1 was up every 
night with potato chips, cigarenet. 
and pop, watching CNN. CNN 
Headline News.CNN Intetnaiional. 
and Newsworid. A news-junkie I 
become whenever there is a global 
crisis. I would drool in amicipaiion 
when an interview with Boris Yeltsin 
or OortNichev was announced. I 
was almost as excited as 1 was when 
I was a kid wailing to see Frosty the 
Snowman during Christmas vaca- 
tion. I've become so fascinated 
with all of this that I even signed up 
foraSovietPaliiicscourse this year. 

What is perhaps even mote 
startling is that those cement-heads 
with their lunatic Marxist newslet- 
ters are still outside Sid Smith! 
Now with a bnmd new "deus ex 
machina" argument for "real com- 
mimian"! Here's what the Span- 
acist Canada headline is. "SO VIET 
TION!". Don't rtiese fools lealite 
that people are now chanting on the 
sneets of Moscow "Workers Unite 
Against Communism!'^ Unfortu- 
nately, these twits have never un- 
derstood what is happening on dK 
streets of Moscow. 

I was lucky enough to visit 
Eastern Europe for the second time 
in a year this summer, and 1 was able 
to get a few Hrsi-hand impressions 
of the fall of communism. Last 
summer 1 was in Prague. Ctecho- 
slovakia very brtefly. Although the 
Czechs had found their independ- 
ence, there was hardly a joyful face 
to be seen in the ciuwd. and hardly 
a business was open. My friend 
Arnold and 1 wandered around for 
Ihiee days and spent fifty dollars be- 
tween the two of us... and we lived 
wxIL But it's hard to enjoy vnealth 
when all the food you eat tastes like 
shit, and the people around you are 

This year I had a bit more 
time in Prague. 1 felt 1 got to know 
Uie dry a bit more. In the com- 
pteiely preserved central part of the 
city thne were cafe's all over the 
place, T-sbina,costingSIS.OOeach, 
Urere being sold, and the food was 
slightly better. For the price-con- 
scious tourist there are still ice-cnnun 
cones being sold for a measly five 
cents. And it's good ice cream. 
Generally, there seems to be a lot 
more economic activity, and a lot 
more optimism in die air 

As the waits come down, 
the acociiics of the Conmwnist Party 
are revealed in l^ue. My brother 
and I were shown anxmd the city of 
Prague by an covirtininental plan- 
ner named MirwUav Halle. He loW 
us about (he tuMTcm of the suburbs. 
You thought Toronto subuite were 
had? There are apartnwm ctwn^ilex 
areas on the outskirts of Prague with 
ItSt.tJOO (KiipW io each- TVrc arc 
two stores for cacti area about the 
siic of ymiz average 7- 1 1 But of 
course, the thmg IO tcmcmher is that 
it was ei{ual Ever>body was m the 
same glontMis situation. Ahhh! 

ITw Ituflganans ha^e env- 
bftx-cd capitaJi^i 4nd tfcjnocfacs 
eiii,.-h f4sisf itHrn itw Czc-chs in 
ttud^st jtHi can (.'vv-o get ni^vit 
off bv a waiter. 1 iHi couKi sw<ar 

you were in Paris. People are sell- 
ing everything. Grandmodiers are 
Itolding up shirts in the subway sta- 
tions lobe sold.and cheap souvenirs 
are being sok) everywhere by eve- 
rybody. There is a downside to all 
of this rapid change. The city is 
overcrowded, unbelievably pol- 
luted, and they are starting to enjoy 
such wonderful side effects of capi- 
ulism as heavy metal, and pornog- 

"Capitalism is obviouslynoi 
Iheanswerioeverything," I remem- 
ber thinking to myself However, I 
went up to the top of Gellert Hill 
which overlooks the whole city. At 
the top 'is the Soviet Liberation 
Memorial which, when looked at 
from the Danube, is one of die pitxtd- 
est monuments I have ever seen. 
Beside the monumem arc a couple 
of vendors selling Soviet memora- 
bilia. I bought a Red Aimy c»p, a 
few Soviet pins, a niUe, aix) a little 
can that says on it "Hlie Last Breath 
of Comimmism." Truly, this man, 
by selling a can of ait in the name of 
communism, hadfound the ultimate 
mockery of commtmism. He was 
also the happiest person 1 met in 
eastern Europe. 

It b true that capitalism and 
democracy won't solve all the prob- 
lems for these people. It certainty 
hasn't for us. A communist friend 
of mine once told me that these 
people weren't really free becmse 
ntjw they were slaves to Lev i SO I 's. 
But he has never been to eastern 
Europe, and neither have those idi- 
ots with their goddamn Marxist 
newslettcreoutsideSidSmith. They 
argue that it is only Stalinism that 
didn't wcRk and that communism 
must still be given a chaiKc. Maybe 
so. But. frankly, it was too costly an 
experiment to humajiiiy to try again, 
aitd if I have lo be a slave to a pair of 
Levi sol's to make sure it never 
happens again, dtcn I will. 


There once was a ti me when 
the boys of suouner came to the 
field because they had lo. The ihrill 
of the grass pulling them closer. 
Thousands ciiUed together in the 
twilight hours preforming the an- 
cient ritual now called baseball. 
Shoeless Joe. the Babe and Roy 
HoUs. Picture this... Bottom of the 
ninth. Down a run. Man on third. 
You hold the bal closer to you, 
waiting on Uiat three and two pitch 
-this image largertbanany mytho- 
logical tale ofheroism. Atiwarche- 
lypc for the iwenlietb century. 

Somebody turned on the 
lights. Unlike a group of creatures 
huddled in the dark aitxind aUazing 
Hre. We sit in flunesccnt lighting, 
scaritngona dog and chucking back 
a brewsky. Once noble, the ritual 
to get shilfaced. This is the descrip- 
tion of the actual ballpark. In reality 
no one goes to the game mymore. 
Westay inside our houses.nie game 
flickers on the television. Dull im- 
ages of a dull game. 

Baseball is an icon in our 
society and like so many of our 
Icons it is falling apart 

Last winter the owners of 
all Ihe baseball teams got tegelher 
and bought playen. Like sdwol chil- 
dren trading baseball cards they 
swapped human beings with one 
another. The nation's once innocent 
pastime turned into a cross between 
Wan Street and Ihe Home Shopping 
Network. Those players whcwe re- 
cent contracts had nm out became 
Free Agfnls, able to sell their skills 
to the highest bidder. In just one 
week thirty-five humans had been 
bough! for a staggering 222 million 

Gladly I will applaud la- 
bour receiving their piece of the 
MLB (Major League Baseball) pie. 
In the past, the owners have consis- 
tently foimed a blatant coOusioo to 

try and control their product (see 
Eight Men Out). By secretly prom- 
ising not to offer contracts to a free 
agent until that player's original team 
had declared that Ihey were not inter- 
ested in the prospective ballplayer 
in question. The ovmers effectively 
took the free out of the agent. For 
example, an owner could offer a 
player any sum to play, because he 
knew that die 'free ageni' was not 
going to getabetteroffer(more than 
this he wasn't going lo get ANY 
other offers). Oddly enough, from 
Ihe free agency's iiicepiion in 1976 
toearly 1989 players salaries showed 
no driDTUtic iiKrease. 

The system collapsed in 
1989, when die owners were found 
guilty of collusion in a court of law. 
Millions are still being paid out in 
reparation. This ruling las lead to a 
Irulychaotic Fire system.The learns 
now need to make Itw best offer to 
obtain a Free agent..Oeorge Belt 
signed a three year deal worth ten 
millirai doltars...Darrel Sirawbeny, 
twenty million dollars over five 
years. As memiooed earlier, in one 
week thirty-five Free agents signed 
for a combmcd total of two hundred 
and twenty-two million. 'Where does 
all litis nMoey come from? 

Wecan accurately conclude 
that baseball is a business. Like any 
successful business it has an over- 
head and a net gross earning. Over- 
head consists of ilen\s such as the 
stidium, imipDes. equipn^t.mUsa- 
gerial staff, maintenance crew, 
advenisemem... €h, and of course 
players. If you subtract gross earn- 
ings by Ihe overhead you should get 
Ihe profit Gross, and naturally the 
profits are dcrivedfrom, attendance, 
logo 1 icensing. concession sales, and 
of courw iclevision revenue. 

Television revenue is the meat 
and potatoes of a basebal I franchise's 
iiKome. Last year professional base- 
ball sold the Idevisioo rights lo the 

W>STON 8l&B«iKS7 

Hl>^^T«E^t MimoNAiRES? 
Toronto Power -huM6K>(- 

CBS network for a cool 1.06 BIL- 
LION dollars. CBS now owns the 
exclusive right to show the Play- 
offs, the World Series , die All-Star 
Saturday. Unbelievably this contract 
lasu only four years. Tlie billion 
dollars is divided equally among the 
twemy-six teams. Many of rtie 
owners have reinvested this money 
back into the team by bolstering 
dieir rosters, mainly acquiring free 

After a yrar and a half, the 
now infamous CBS deal has turned 
into ahoiTOr story. To sum widi. last 
year both Uie American League 
Championship and the World Se- 
ries lasted Ihe bare minimum four 
games. Compiled onio this the rat- 
ings for these games were abysmal. 
This year compeiion for the regular 
season baseball market has suddenly 
expkided. New Supetstations (in 
Metro we now recicve Atlanta and 
Chicago, which feature Atlanta 
Braves, Chicago Cubs and Chicago 
While Sox games.) have recently 
been imroduced, which are added CO 
the local games already being tele- 
cast from independant stations. (In 
Toronto we see nearly every Jay 
gaiiK oo CTV or TSN , as well as the 
Expo's on CBC.) To top il off ESPN 
(The American All-sporB channel) 
features a game of the week every 
Sunday night (carried on TSN in 
Canada), In the first quarter of Ihe 
contract CBS reported a lOOmiUion 
dollar loss. 

So. while tfallplayer^' con- 
Uncts continue to soar the economic 
future of the institution is in a state 
of implosion. Many are predicting 
the coming of the pay-per-view 
roaket (The new Canadian pay- 
per-view channels are suU in their 
infancy.) Under this system, view- 
en woidd have to pay approximately 
five bucks for every game they 
watch. The question is bow many 
people would pay five dollars to see 
ihe lowly Cleveland Indians play? 

If a pay-per-view system 
were established, the teams in larger 
marirets would have a considerable 
advantage. Those learns (New York, 
UA-, Chicago and even Toronto) 
would be able lo offer ccnsiderably 
higher contracts than other poorer 
teams (Cleveland, Montreal, Balti- 
more and Seattle) coukl afford to 
compete with. 

What steps have ibe ovmeri 
come up with to deal with the crisis 
dm looms ahead? f^y-per-view? 
Devising a new free-agent system? 
Communication? Well not exaaly. 
In 1 99J, Ihe league will expand, two 
new franchises wiil be added (the 
Florida Marliiu^ and the Colorado 
Rockies). This bone-headed move 
will make the cxsisting structure 
even more confusing at a lime when 
order and direction is needed. 

If il was once magical and 
mystic, it is now corrupt and inde- 
cent. Baseball has always been a 
bus'mess. but Iheu once was a time 
when the game was an event, not 
merely another form of ewerlain- 
not patrons- 

\< i IK )i ( ili i s 



Food, Folks and Fun 


Hello. 1 wa.\ pleasantly sur- 
prised by ihc amount of - and, in 
general, intelligence of - Ihc fccd- 
bftck my laM article got. w> I thought 
I'd do an encore to clear some stuff 

My friend Lxtren arj^ucd that 
there IS nothing wrong with being 
proud to be a man. ii'^ juM that 
society has put so much bullshit into 
ihcdeflniiion of "man" that the term 
has been debased. What he think-s 
wc should do i>. fighl for u new. non- 
siupid dcHniiicH) of monlinesx, one 
that does not depend on being a jerk 
much of the lime, much u& feminism 
h3s tried to reclaim "cunt" and give 
It positive value. I agree in principle 
with that idea, cxcepi for two cave- 

A) It «crm lo veer danger- 
misly close to an institutionalized 
"scpcraie but equal" system, which 
I sec as being basically wrong and 
unworkable. If there are specific 
qualities or energies that males 
possess in greater degree than fc- 
mutc^;, shccrly by virtue of being 
male, then this will be ohvitws with- 
out instituMonalizing it if wc ever 
aluin a non sexist society. (The 
reverse is. of course, true as well.) 
Thus 10 use the term '"man" would 
be supcrflous at best, and sexist at 
worst. Right now there arc needs for 
women's groups, men's groups, etc. 
but 1 see these — valid though they 
arc — OS being neces.siiated by a 
sick culture, not as being inheienily 

B) Even if desirable, il 
would be a lot of work, and I don't 
consider the goal as worthwhile 
enough to juMify that much energy 
expenditure. I am. and want to be 
considered as, human. 

Lofen also questioned why I chose 
the male-female split as being the 
one to focus on. Well, there arc 
several reasons. First of all. I sec il 
as being the most prevalent. All 
cultures I have come into contact 
with have been to some degree sex,tst. 
as have damn near all the individu- 
als I've encountered (myself, of 
course, included, unfortunately), 
whereas r^ism (while too common), 
is a poor second, and homophobia 
(or heterophobia) a distant third. Of 
course, they're all related, being the 
fruits of a world organized by 
dominance -worshippers, and of 
course you can safely assume that I 
don't tike being labelled as a "white" 
or "her (or. as ha^^tencd at one 
party, "the straight boy"). The sec- 
ond reason 1 son of alluded loabove: 
the idea that one label is bad hope- 
fully will lead people toexaminc the 
validity of all labels. The third rca- 
son is simply who I'd been hanging 
out with most of the summer. 

What else .* Another friend 
objected lomy statement that "man" 
Ls often dcfmed in this culture as 
"not a woman". The logic behind 
that, which I borrow from Marilyn 
French (and will return to her as 
soon as I'm done with it) is that 
patnarchy sees woman as linked to 
the "natural" world. The moon- 
menstruation link >s obvious, as is 
the fact thai women bring new life 
into the world, whereas men 
"mere ly " help her to do it (and sonte 
argue that the link between %cx and 
preaniincy U by no means com- 
pletely obvious, and may not have 
been realised until fairly tale in 
human prehislofy.thuinruking men 
feel even more useku and rwn- 
naiuraJ). So if women are more 
"nalumr" than men. and if they arc 
to be suppreucd. nKn - and Ihcir 
gods • must transcend lutani 
world, u Jehovah, Atlah.ctc clearly 
do. they art not of the workl. bui are 
the disconnected creaiofi However. 

even men arc bom of woman, and 
bom "naturally", wiih blood and 
squalling and alt that stuff. There- 
fore, to completely transcend and 
thus be entitled lo rule women and 
nalurc. they must overcome their 
"naturaliies.^" by whatever means 
the society decrees, be it dress codes 
or ritual homosexuality orquests or 
whatever. Manhood is when a male 
becomes a ruler, independent in 
certain ways and powerful, aruj 
alnuMt every society has rituals for 
il. There arc fewcrrituals for wom- 
anhood, and they are usually mure 
subtle, because becoming a woman 
docs not entail the huge change in 
status thai becoming a man does, 
going from "natural" (a state in 
which a woman res ides for he r whole 
life), to something bcyOTHl naiure. 
However, this status must be won, 
and must be tenaciously held by 
conforming lo tribal standards, else 
one beciHnes - gasp! - "wmnanly". 

One last point on this lopic. 
Some people apparently thought 
the article wus anti-malc. or ami- 
men anyways. Well, il was anti- 
men, but mainly because I'm a man 
in loo many peq)le's eyes, whereas 
nu-one calls mc a woman. How- 
ever, I consider womanhood to be 
just as stupid as manhood, and I'm 
dismally aware ihat most women - 
like most men - arc sexist. (Whether 
ii's pro-male sexist or pro-female 
sexist is irrelevant: both are mo- 
ronic, and each tends to contain 
within it the seeds of the other.) 

Onwards, ever onwards... 
Someone asked mc why I burcly 
mentioned the music side of things 
in the last issue. The answer is as 
simpleasil is depressing; I'vcgiven 
up. For around four years now I've 
been writing about bands I really 
dig, bands that have something more 
to olTcr than the bullshit that per- 
vades most rock/pop/whatever, arvd 
as far a.s I can tell I've had nocffect. 
Fine. I don't expect you all (who 
all? ALU!) to go out and pick up 
tons of punk and hardcore and other 
"alternative" (what a stupid phrase, 
especially nowadays) hartds jusi 
cause I think they're great, but I 
don'l think I've met anyone who's 
been at all interested in what I've 
written, and since some of these 
bands tiavc been the most importani 
things in my life, that ktnda huns. 
And anyway, futility ain't my scene 
these days. So you keep listening lo 
the dreck that you love, the com- 
mercialized crap that acts as the 
soundtrack for your boring, rcac- 
lionary and just plain stupid eve- 
nings of drinking and meaningless, 
soulless sex. and I'll keep my 
tapcdeck slocked with Rkhman. 
Coitrane, tlte Dead. Bad Rfligion. 
the Washinglon Squares, All, Fu- 
nazi. Green Oay, Operaiion Luv, 
old Dylan. Saniana. Jnhn Lee 
Hooter. Robert Johnson, Muddy 
Waters. Chariie Parker. Tom Waits. 
Bi^mouth, Lv^esl t>f the Low (if 
(hey ever gel their tape done), the 
Tosh, old Jefferson Airplane, the 
Beatles, the Replacements. Soul 
Asylum, Sonic Youth. Fidelity Jones , 
Neurosts. Mojo Nixon. RKL. Daft 
Nasty, Mississippi John Hurt. Mono 
Nexra. Hawkwind and more, and 
hopefully we'll maiugc lo avoid 
each other. ok»y? If you really care 
atxHii my (pinions, ask rrw in per- 

After having uld all that, I 
should mention that Blue Shift, an 
Innls band, are playing at Ointoo's 
Octi»bcr 16. so sec 'an out of col- 
lege siilldjrity if not fw the fact that 

they're real good, the Wild 5/raw - 
Iterrys arc recording again. What 
Roufih Beasts broke up due lo 
Pedro's course load (silly reason. I 
know) artd the Crawlin' Crawdads 
should be reforming. If you're in .i 
band and go lo — or are connected 
with ~ Innis, lemme knock what 
you're up lo so wc can gel some 
kind of community happening. 

One more thing: I was at a 
birthday parly awhile back and goi 
into a discussion abouni banking 
with OIK of iheguests, which lead to 
anarchism and similar topics. I 
started spouting ofT. as I siill can't 
slop myself from doing despite the 
futility of it all. and the son of con- 
servative person I was talking to 
favoured me with a condescending 
smile and said, "Ah. but you have to 
live in the real worid, my dear." I 've 
hod that said to me before - probably 
everyoftc who isn't a banker or an 
accountant has • and I have a few 
basic rebuttals to it: 

a) The "real world" they 
speak of is a suicidal aberration 
forced onto a world of healthy bio- 
logi<^l life. 

b) Half - or more than half - 
the reason that her world is "real", lo 
whatever degree it really is. is the 
fact that so many people who could 
otherwise act to change il give up 
because of statements like ihaL 

c) To quote the immortal 
words of Robert Hcintcin. "Cooper- 
ating with the irtevitable does not 
mean stooiing for the guards." Just 
because I don'l smoke drugs at the 
comer of Bloor and Yongc doesn't 
n>ean 1 think drug- smoking is some 
how ATong ( 1 do Ihink that it's 
misused by most potheads I've met. 
but that's a different matter). It just 
means that 1 realivre thai, right 
wrong, there are large men with 
moustaches on power trips who will 
attempt to injure or incarcerate me i f 
I do, arxl the pleasure of gelling 
stoned at Bloor and Yonge (what 
picasujx?) isn't wonh the hassle. 
We all have to balance idealism 
with pragmatism, unfortunately. 
That doesn't mean we should aban- 
don idealism. (Or pragmaiism, for 
Ihat matter.) 

Colm Wiboa 

You and >our bank state- 
ments arc probaWy fairly chummy 
righi now. After all. September was 
a lucrative month for siudcnls, what 
with loans coming in. summer earn- 
ings still unspent, and Mom and 
Dad in a generous mood. My cxpc- 
ricmrc is lhai this surge in dispos- 
able irKome can trigger an oxygen 
rush to the brain. Every fall I drop a 
bundle on such frippcnes as snack 
foods, flamboyant hats and the rec- 
ommeruJed lexis on my reading list. 
And every winter these items stare 
down in reproach from the shelf a.s 
I huddle in my garret with nothing to 
eat but half a jar of peanut butter and 
an onion. Not wanting any of you to 
suffer as I have. I have composed 
this guide for the (literal ly) starving 

If your rcfrigeraior suffers 
from chronic emptiness, you might 
want to Join ihe line at the Daily 
Bread Food Bank. This institution 
docs not discriminate betw^n the 
hungry and the merely peckish, so 
just wear your shabbiest overcoat 
and yo>\T identity as a slumming 
elitist won't be revealed. Excuse the but there is a fundamen- 
tal difference between student pov- 
erty and the more chronic long-term 
kirid. Free from airplane glue addic- 
tion and dependent children, most 
students at least have the option of 
taking a job in the exciting and po- 
tential-filled worid of lelcmarlcet- 
ing. Just grin and bear it; end of 

away. Instead, try attending a Nathan 
PTiillips Square kids c-onccru Afiera 
handful of Peck Freans arxJ seven 
Sharon. Lois and Bram didn't open 
ai Woodstock. And be sure to check 
oul their dajxringclcphanL 

You don't have to leave 
campus lo snack happily at no cosu 
The University College Union, for 
inslaiKC, offers a daily afternoon 
lea. The building is a great place to 
read a Naiiona! Geographic while 
eavesdropping on the Dorothy 
Parker-style quips emanaiiog from 
ihc euchre table, thai font of wit. I 
also enjoy surfeiting myself on the 
free Digestive biscuits, thereby 
maintaining my trademark sickly 
demeanor. The Union aliO hosts oc- 
casional poetry readings where beer 
is served. 

This brings us to wine and 
cheese socials, an importani source 
of calcium and my prime reason for 
living. If you keep an eye oin for the 
posters, you can attend at least one 
of these gatherings a week. Unless 
you take courses in every depart- 
ment, you will occasional ly feci like 
a fish ou 1 0 f water. Don ' I be daunted 
by this. Few of the revellers will 
actually rcscni your presence even 
if their knowledge of. say. panicle 
physics or Olmec buna] sites is 
cxportcnlially greaierihanyourown. 
A good wine arxl cheese pony is 
animated by the same spirit as the 
Haida poLlalch: the more lavish the 
celebration, the more honour re- 

Then there are the Hare 
Krishnas. I am told that their icmplc 
on Avenue Road serves up some of 
Toronto's best vegetarian cuisine. 
The food is probably a bail lo turn 
unsuspecting passersby into lon- 
sured, chanting Har^sels and Gre- 
icls. If yours is the son of woridview 
which can be undermined by tam- 
bourine music, or if you merely look 
bad in saffron, I suggest you stay 

bounds to the host. 

Alas. I know of no ox\c aside 
from Blanche Dubois who can rely 
enu'rciy on the kindness of strang- 
ers. If you arc seriously worried 
about starving to death this winter, a 
bursary may be more helpful dian 
free cookies. Desperation aside, the 
search for free food can be a rewani- 
ing pastime. Even the well-fed can 
delight in the sheer thrill of the chjssc. 


The Meek and the Humble. 

"Love, Raymond" 

by Todilya Kuwabani 

(This is 3 children's sioiy wriucn 
for adults — mainly for those people 
on subways whose only facial ex- 
pression is one of frowning silence.) 

One day. as Meek rose from 
Ibe bed lo sec the morning sun. 
Meek felt strong and happy. Ah, (o 
be alive and to see the morning sun. 
This was all Meek couW hope for, 
and yet. Meek was conlented with 

Quickly. Meek had a stu- 
dent breakfast: on a plate was a 
small piece of brown toast with 
margarine (the melted margarine 
always made it look .shiny and oily). 
In Mcek's small mug of coffee there 
was the usual milk and sugar. Nice 
like sugar and spice. Meek thought. 
Soon Humble came to the morning 
table with the typical upper-middle- 
cast-brcakfa!ii of microwaved rice 
and miso soup. Nice and nutritious. 
Humble thought. Looking at Mcek'K 
watch for the time. Humble was 
glad that there were enough duMau- 
rier Extra Lights left. Going to 
Shopper's Drug Mart to buy ciga- 

isn't money; it's patience. 

Hurrying to get their back- 
packs, and uking their morning 
medication. Meek and Humble then 
walked to the small bus stop. It was 
like an ouiposi on a suburWi fron- 
tier. Meek called it, "wasteland 
subuitia", but Humble didn't mind. 
Humble just wished there were mon; 
trees and grass and open space to sec 
the evening sky, the setting sun, or 
billowing clouds and stars. 

Standing at the bus slop. 
Meek kept thinking about Hobbes' 
Leviathan versus Rousseau and 
Sade. while Humble sat quietly on 
the cold connele bench smoking. 
Smoking and thinking about last 
night's movie on TV, L'Age ifOr. 
Even though Humble knew only a 
little French, the movie siill burned 
in Humblc'smind:Surrcalism could 
be so intense. 

.Sometimes, Humble would 
try and read .some of Meek's books, 
Eugenie de Franvai. Justine, A 
Clockvork Orange. I9H4. The 
Beauty Myth, and Germaine Greer, 
but Humble fell they were t(x» much. 

by lUymond BeUour 

Dear Allison; (The names havebeen 
changed to protect the innocent.) 

My sister has loU me that 
you would like to hear from me 
prior loourmaniagc. Doubtless lius 
is umKcessary. (other mail brides 
only want to know numbers, like 
how old is he? how much does he 
make? etc.), but I am susceptible as 
any to the whims of the female. 
Hence this note. I have tried to rea- 
son out what it is you would like to 
know about me arid my doings, and 
have come up with this list. 

1. Looks; 1 am young, just 
short of being a tall man. haiiy in in- 
appropriate locations, and have an 
incipient pot belly that is the subject 
of every new year's resolution 1 
have ever made. 1 tend to wear mis- 
matched socks. This is as candid as 
I've ever been with anybody, so I 
hope you appreciate it. 

2. Clothing; 1 wear black, 
the perennial colour for faux intel- 
lectuals at university. Then I punc- 
tuate it with colour, always try ing to 
ensure that my socks and underw ear 
match. My sunglasses and belt 

believe you and as-sume you have no 
interest in what they want to talk 
about (which is probably owl pel- 
lets or recent devclopmems in urol- 
ogy ). or they will not believe you. If 
that happcits you lose your acquain- 
tances and become a loser, a geek, 
an L7. which is not so bad because 
that is what everyone at U of T was 
in highschool anyway. Some people 
avoid the whole hassle and just stay 

After four years at the Uni- 
versity. I have otte friend. His name 
is Mole. He smokes Maribonos, 
styles his hair with axle grease, and 
buttons his shins up wrong. He also 
grew up in Midlaiid. sister town of 
Pectetang. the lunatic capital of 
Omario. Youtakewhatyou can get. 
Perhaps this description iscrucl and 
coldhearlcd. buithat just shows how 
well 1 have adapted to my surround- 
ings. To temper justice with mercy, 
I must say that he laughs at my 
jokes, which makes him absolutely 

1 also know some women, 
but the tlcbale still rages over 


™™J^ ii i iiiHi) i iiii/mm 

relies always made Humble uncom- 
fonable. Ii seemed, even though 
Humble was almost twenty, that the 
cashiers would either ask for age 
and I.D. or scl I them lo Humble with 
a dirty look in their eyes. Meek 
often ,>;aw this dirty look loo, when 
going on the subway, walking back 
home, or from tlie people that 
though! thai Meek was mean. Actu- 
ally, Meek was a nice person inside, 
Unfortunately, wearing ajeanjackci 
and soft patched jearts, no one would 
accept Meek. This made Meek sad. 
What Meek liked to do was. to listen 
to all the cool lectures in class. The 
talking inspired Meek. ItmadeMeek 
feel realty hungry. Hungry for more 

Humble wasdiffcrcnt. Even 
though Humble knew the T-shins 
and torn jeans rtmic pct^le not like 
Humble, ihey were Mumble's fa- 
vourite clothes. To be strong inside 
( and sometimes weak too), that wa.\ 
Humble. Humble always knew to 
be kind lo iMher people, helping 
them and saying thank you. h was 
easy for Humble to do, but Humble 
had few friends. Movies, literature 
and photography. They were what 
Humble liked most. 

Ajiyway. Meek and Humble 
rinished tfwir breakfast in a jiffy. 
They dtdn*t want lo miss the cosily 
bus. ■Hwir Meirq>asses were ex- 
pensive eiKHigh. "Time is money." 
was whai people sometimes said to 
Humblk:. But Mc^ knew thai time 

Humble preferred Falling Angels. 
Sea and Poison. Story of O. and 
Anais Nin. 

And so, the classical heart 
beat inside Meek's chest from lis- 
tening to Mozan and Beethoven to 
Prokofiev and Satic. While the 
romantic one churned in HumbJe's 
chest, listening to the Beatles and 
everyihing from heavy melal to rap. 
They both had tinKS when they felt 
sad orhappy. They both could bleed, 
and see the scars on ihcir hands. 
Tlicy both had hcam. But the people 
on the bus. the subway, and at school 
only saw them as na.sty or mean. If 
only they could feci what Humble 
.saw and what Meek read — like 
Winston and iutia. Ethel andMiguel, 
Suguro andToda. 

After riding the bus and 
getting on the subway. Meek and 
Humble looked at the reflection of 
ihe passengers in the big window: it 
was crowded, so they were stand- 
ing, swaying with the subway. 
Swaying to a rhythm. 

Humble thought of the little 
mice that lived under the subway 
tracks. They always nude Humble 
laugh insidte. Meek of^en liked lo 
point them out. just to sec thai smile 
and laughter inHumblc'scyei. They 
both stared at the menagerie of other 

Meek smiled, and Humble 
laughed quietly. Everywhere else 
people stiued with empty eyes and 
broken hearts, as the stibway rolled 



nuipun'iiiiitiiiiM I iiiiiii iiiii)iii|iii ii/i'/D 


buckle must also match. As for 
fabrics, I have no preference . The 
real truth of the matter is that my 
mother still buys my clothes for me. 
This is not because 1 can't, but be- 
cause I never seem to have any 
money left when il comes time to 
buy a winter coat or whatever. 
Usually my money goes eKsewhcrc 
(see below) but I have been known 
10 spend enimvagani sums on sun- 
glasses and footwear. 

3. School: I'm si il I in it. The 
less said the better. 

4. Leisure: My acquain- 
tances and 1 spend a tot of lime in 
fctelleclual pursuits. This is not 
because wc want to. but we would 
shauer our self image as semiotic 
disciples if wc were lo say what we 
are really thinking, namely. "Natas- 
sia, let ' s not sec My Father' s Castle. 
I waiuia see Amie mash the metal 
man again." Whatever wc do, wcsit 
in cafiJs for hours afterwards, either 
dissecting ihe experience in clumsy 
polysyllables or siuing quietly in 
our seats with an ait of sophisticated 
ennui to mask our everyday bore- 
dom. One must distinguish oiKself 

5. Friends: 1 say acquain- 
tances above because no one has 
friends here. Unless they had them 
before entering the university, live 
in residence, where the possibilities 
are somewhat better, or are lying, 
tying about fnetids is never a good 
idea. YcHiracquaitnanccswtUeither 

whether they can be included in the 
friend category or nol. (See Cafrf 
Ennui, above.) For the purposes of 
this letter. I will put them under a 
diffen^it heading. 

6. Women: i know some. 
Really. There arc several types of 
women at the university and in my 
life. In no particular order, they arc: 

A. Relatives. Thankfully 
this number is limited. With Carrie 
out in Edmonton, I have ihe campus 
to mysel f. Having Cam'c on campus 
was fun. She and I were in the same 
class our first year here. She was 
p}s.sed whenl got a higher mark than 
she did. We haven't had a class 
together before or since. 

B. Women with boyfriends. 
Every desirable woman at the Uni- 
versity has a boyfriend. This is no 
cause for alarm unless one wants a 
girlfriend of one's own. Then one 
has (o find a way lo get rid of the 
woman 'sboyfricnd forher. The fact 
thai the boyfriertd is usually about 
thirty, or has a i^ysique like a tree 
trunk can be daunting. On the other 
hand, she mighl be willing to assist 
you if you ever met and talked to one 
another. Engagement is a disquiet- 
ing trend. happening more and more 
often. The women seem enthusias- 
tic about it, but ttwy dcprcsii 
e\'eryooeelse when Ihey bring it up. 

C. Women with girlfriends. 
This ts anotlier popular trend. Some 
wwidtw why there arc so many 
homosciiuals (male arwi female) in 

Toronto. They say that the homo- 
sexuals all gavitaie lo the city fnam 
everywhere else, or that the city 
makes people homosexual. It's a 
vflriaiton on the old nature/nunure 
argument that is applied to so many 
aspects of behaviour. I think both 
ideas must have some validity or 
else there wouldn't be so many of 
them around. My question is, why 
arc all the interesting women gay? 
My other quc.<nion is. why ami't 
they bisexual enough to play all 
night games of strip Twi.ster with 
me ar>d Ihcir currwit other? Maybe 
wc could have some herbal ciga- 
rettes afterward. Strawberry lofulil. 

D, Women with neither 
girifricnds nor boyfrieiuls. These 
women arc nol. contrary to belief, 
the dregs of the beauty barrel. Nor 
are they the dregs of the intellect 
barret. Perhaps ihcy can best be 
called sensible. but their detachment 
can also be linked to the fact thai 
they were wallHowcni in high 
school. (Sec gccks.above.)Ttic fact 
that mosl of them dress like ihcy 
have just been dragged backwards 
through the hold of a fishingtrawlcr 
may also have something to do with 
it. Maybe living in residence causes 
this irawter look. I have about as 
much experience with the one as 
with the other. 

Please don't think that everything 
in my life revolves around the oppo- 
site sex. If ttiat were true, I'd have 
iransfcrred to another school. Wcsi- 
em. say. Tlie mosl important thing 
for me of alt is the next one, namely: 

7. Work: This isn't what- 
ever is expected of me in school. 
This also isn't what is expected of 
me at my mind numbing job. Il is 
what I expect of myself. To make a 
long and truly boring (to everyone 
but myselO siory short. I am work- 
ing on three feature film srecnplays, 
a series of faeces carvings, twodocu- 
nrentary videos, and one travelogue 
that is at least half true. On top of 
thai I am taking a course in the 
preparation offrenchcuisine at night. 
All my money goes to support my 

To sum up. when I am tk>i i n 
a dark movie theatre or drafty lec- 
ture hall. I can usually be found tn 
the darkroom or in front of a com- 
puter icrmtnal. (I am also area vice 
president forthe league of slugcom- 
ptexioned people of Canada, 
Toronto chapter. As with at) other 
significant lobby organizations, this 
is our head ofiice. In fact, I'd say 
that I'm the second mosl powerful 
person in the league.) 

This is all I can think of to 
mention to you ai the moment. 
Looking over il, ii seems lo me that 
it gives a fairly good idea of my 
surroundings, if not of myself. That 
will come, I'm sure. Besides, if 
everylhingdid fu into one tclter.our 
married life ^voutd include an inor- 
dinate amount of television. By (he 
way, it's nice to know that you don't 
warn 10 marry mc for immigration 
purposes. Hope to hear from you 

Yours everlastingly. 

Raymond Bellour 

!-: Wh! iM Midi 

Rambling Jerk Off 


"On shrines of Egypt beat 
Sunt without pity." 
- CaUiMus 

After the guy uii tlown he 
asked me for a cigueite so I gave 
him one. I was at (he comer of 
Yonge and Queen on the steps of the 
CIBC waiting for the bus. It wax 
three a.m., or ten ajn. Cairo lime. 
The guy patted me on the shoulder 
and said God ble«s you, 

"My brudder'5 built like o 
ragin* bull.** he said. 

"How so?" I asked. 

"He works out every day. 
My briidder's buitt like a fuckin' 
ragin' bull." 

I sat and listened to htm 
babble for about ten minutes. He 
described, in pedantic detail, every 
son of exercise his brother per- 
formed during his daily woriiouts. 
When he got to "exercising his love 
muscle," I decided to change the 

**The»c Zippo lighters." I 
said, playing with mine, "are like 
Volkswagens aren't they?" 

"Huh? My bruddcr's built 
like a..." 

"Yeah, but these Zif^ws. 
you see, last forever. Do you com- 
prehend that? You have to change 
the flint every few numths and refill 
the damn thing every day, but it'll 
last forever, know what 1 mean? Just 
like an old Volks. ya know? These 
lighters, I icll you... 

"Dey're built tike a fuckin* 
Ragin' Bull!" he exclaimed, a wide 
smite of comprehension blooming 
on his skinny, ztt-infesied face. 

"Thai's right! Yeah! Put 'er 
ihcrel" 1 said, and we were buddies 
for life until the bus arrived. He 
asked n>e for fare, but I didn't have 
enough so I k^i him there. I gave 
him another cigarette, got on the bus 
and headed north. 

I sat near the front. I cou Idn ' t 
help but overhear the driver speak- 
ing 10 an overnight security guard. 

"D'ya ever carry a 
weapon?" asked the driver, a hint of 
bloodlust in his eyes. 

"No. not anymore. I couW 
never shoot anyone, not even Char- 
lie Manxon. This c<3p I knew shot a 
bank robber. After he filed his re- 
port he went down to a subway 
station ard walked down the tracks 
till the train came." 

The driver seemed fasci- 
nated by this story. He began talking 
about his time as a subway driver 
and the goiy suicides he had wit- 
nessed. I pulled the "Slop Request" 

Coffee. 1- needed coffee. 1 
walked 10 1001 Bay and entered the 
doughnut store. 1 ordered a large 
black coffee to siay. 1 sat by the 
Coffee Tinw neon sign and lii u 
cigarette. A pizza boy from The Big 
Slice walked into lOOI's U>bby. 
Sisyr^UH used to live there in suite 
2313. He's on a one ycursabbaticul 
from U of T this year. No more 
drinking till dawn listening to Le- 
onard Cohen and skipping tutorials. 
Too bad. 

I started thinking about my 
cx-girlfricnd again. Ah.shil. 1 hatcii 
when I do this, I sat then: and got de- 
pressed for a tew monKnts unlit I 
noticed a cockroach on my table. I 
crushed the discuse-riddcn in.scci 
with my clenched fist, feeling a Kai- 
isfying crunch and crackle under 
my hand BS the tittle vermin breathed 
111 last. 

I cheered up a lad. I sipped 
my coffee and htartd out the win- 

dow, grinning. 

This is much too civilized, I 
thought Nothing is open now ex- 
cept coffee shop^ and pizjia joints. 
Since 1 usually sleep alt day before 
my ni^i shift, I end up wide awake 
on my nights off. What I needed ai 
this point was a second hand book 
shop, the kind with literature. Har- 
lequins and back issues of Life ai 
the front of the store artd hard core 
pornography at the back. 

My friend Conrad told me a 
funny story about one these shops. 
He was looking at Ihe literature 
section near the cashier when some 
pneumatic geek went up to the desk 
and said. "Excuse me, I'm looking 
for a magazine and like can't find it 

The cashier said. "What 

"Beaver," said the geek, 
"I'm looking for old back issues." 

The cashier replied in asnide 
voice. "No, we don't stock...Beaver 

"Shit. I can't ibem any- 
where. I'm trying to complete my 

The cashier replied in a 
knowledgeable vmce, "'i'ou*!! have 
to go to the States to find that one." 

Well. I found that funny. I 
can urulerstand someone looking for 
back issues of Playboy or Pent- 
house (many are collector's items 
because of the articles a/Kl inter- 
views, not just the centerfolds), but 
Beaver magazine? Why not collect 
old issues of Boobic orCtit maga- 
zine from '68? How about Blue Boy 
magazine from 1905 featuring pre- 
viously unpublished photos of Os- 
car Wilde? Or The Transvcstitc 
Times from 1885? Does no one 
collect stamps anymore? 

Conrad ment ioned as a post- 
script to this story that the fellow 
should gel a subscription to some 
medical journals. 

"Yeah, full pagecokmr pho- 
tos of foot diseases and corns. Let- 
ters to the editor inscribing open 
hean surgery in lurid detail. Editori- 
als i^KHit new venereal diseases and 
two page spreads of advanced her- 
pes. He'd be on his knees for days, 
cranking away in his filihy. senten 
crusted apartment. There must be a 
good, perverted consumer base for 
such publications, know what I 

"Definitely. Imean, you can 
find specialized pom mags for every 
erogenous zone on the female body. 
Why not get really kinky? How about 
Elbow Monthly or Armpit Maga- 
zine ?" 

"Yeah, or let's not be spe- 
cies-specific and publish something 
like Limp Chimp or Mondo Iguana. 
There must be an audience out there. 
One could make a fortune peddling 
ThcHippoSphincicr Times or some 
such rag. The editorials would be 
pricclcs.s, 1 tell you, pricclesst" 

And soon. 

The last book I picked up in 
one of those Yonge-Wcllcslcy shops 
was Fools Die by Mario Pu70. u 
great novel. Gore Vidal is still King 
when it comes to current American 
writers, txii Puzo is a close second, 
even if his prose style is not as sai- 
isryinft as Vidal's. Puzo lives a 
charmed life. 

I'm surprised thai he wa^n'l 
knocked off by some mifia goon 
after Oodruthcr 3 . You better be- 

lieve thai those nice Catholic cardi- 
nals have mafia contacts that could 
do a clean hit for them. That film re- 
opened quite a few old wounds in 
the upper echelons of the inner 
sanctums of Vatican City. Hey, why 
not bumpoffa Pope ifyou don't like 
him? It worked in the Middle Ages 
didn't it? 

Why not light anoiherciga- 
relte? Iiufeed. 1 did, aiul finished my 

I walked up Bay street, en- 
tered Mr. Video and played with the 
Pic-A-Ric machine for a minute 
and left. I walked south on Bay and 
madearighL I walked pastSt Mike's 
and thought of my first year when I 
lived at Elmsley Hall. A good year, 
really. I sal down on the steps at Old 
Vic and lit another cigarette. 

Oh no, 1 thought, I 'm think- 
ing about my ex again. This son of 
painful reiroq)ection always hafh 
pens after mi(btight. I puff^ vehe- 
mently on my smoke and my eyes 
wuidered around Vic, trying to focus 
on something distracting. 1 saw a 
squirrel run up a tree. 

Shit, I thought. I can't wait 
till Scptembcf . This place is already 
filled with ghosts. I want this place 
to be thoroughly haunted before I 
leave. Then maybe I'll go to Cairo 
or something. Or Paris. Or Mex ico. 
Or Big Tuna, Texas. What the hell 
am 1 going to do? 

Fuck, it's four a.m., or 
eleven ajn. Cairo lime. I walked 
back to Yonge and Wetlesley, said 
hi to the concierge in ihc lobby and 
ascended thirty fioors to the top of 
the building. The 24th fioor has a 
twicony that they lock after eleven, 
but the roof is open twenty four 
hours n day, due to the abscence of 
a lock on the door. 

The roof is a well-kept se- 
cret. Nobody knows about it. The 
guy who ^xed the blinds in my 
room (I pulled them oft the ceiling 
in a drunken rage one morning) told 
me about it. The view is magnifi- 
cent, the whole city is one huge 
electrical board from east to west I 
sat on an air duct and looked south- 
west towards the lake. My eyes wan- 
dered north to U of T. which is 
partially hidden by Sutton Place. It 
looked so goddamn insignificant, a 
back hole in the middle of all those 
white and orange lights. 

I stayed there for an hour or 
so taking in ihecity lights and diink- 
ing about trivial things, like how 1 
W9S going to afTord putting my 
Vespa on the road and how many 
Iraqis ituJcestoscrcuinalightbulb 
(I don't know either). The sky was 
becoming slightly blue on the hori- 
zon. I took the elevator to my room 
on the seventeenth fioor. 

My roomnuitc was asleep. I 
snuck into my room, removed my 
brown leather jacket and walked 
overiomysiereo. Ipuion Vangclis' 
lH^w album, pulled the blinds open 
and stared east lowanis Coxwelt. 
Montreal and the Nile. 

Tbcn I wrote this. The sun is 
coming up. Roman Polamki is 
buying his morning papers down- 
town and sontconc is burning in ihe 
aftcmtwn sun somewhere near ihc 
Sphinx. Goodnight. V.R. 

Time for bed, 

(My friend Jimbru has jusi 
informed me lhai this aniclc i« one 
long, rambling jeri off lhai is of no 
intcrexi lo inyonc but myself. Oh.) 

Innis Bursaries 

Bursaries are granis which 
you are not required to repay. They 
arc designed to assist siu<knts of 
Innib College who have explored all 
olheravcnues ot tinancial assisiancc 
(e.g. work, family support, OSAP) 
and still have firumciof need. Bur- 
saries should be seen as a source of 
help in covering MODEST, and 
often UNEXPECTED shortfalls of 
iiKome ove r ex pcnscs rather than as 
a priiKipal source of revenue. The 
primary source of income for stu- 
dents MUST be their own earnings, 
family contributions and whatever 
ud they are cniillcd lo through the 
OnlarioStudcni Assistance Program 
(OSAP) or the aid programs of ilx 
other provinces or lemiories. If this 
bursary applies to you and you are 
interested please complete an appli- 
cation and sec Adelc Arnold in the 
Registrar's Office. 

Wif Marionette 


t «■ PtaW ^ nie H« yotr 


What's My Name? 

What's in a Name? 


My lume is AngeU Aucbie 
Cauoce, > newcomer to Innit an) a 
newcorocr to the Herald. I would 
jus like 10 nKiuioQ u thU potnt Uiai 
this tnicle ii entirely about myself, 
as 1 feel that if I am to write ofHiiiaa 
aniclcs, you readers most first know 
a little about me. Hiis article does 
have a theme (1 won 't ray a point) so 
dOD'tstop leading becausei'vegiven 
you the impiasion that it is golngio 
be^ with " It all started way back in 
197l._'' You can see if you look 
back at the top of the article it does 
not start thai way at all. This opin- 
iofi/inlraductioa piece is about lUck- 
names, but mostly how they pettain 
to myself... 

To begin, let us first clarify 
my given nan>e(the name received 
at binh to which I had no opportu- 
nity to complain about). I usually go 
by "Angle", throwing a little 
tenderness into a long tluee sylable 
name. My middle, Auchie, (I repeal 
so this time you do not have to took 
back) is not pronounced like Edith 
Bunker pronounces "Archie" in All 
In ikt Family. To spell it phoneti- 
cally is (iifTicult but the closest nai- 
dition would be "awhee". except to 
say it correctly you have to have a 
lot of spit in the back of your ihroai. 
The "Caunce" is simply pronounced 
as in Genghis Khan but with some 
s's on dw end. I go through this just 
in case the general populace insists 
on using my R»l name so they can at 
least know what it is and how U3 say 

With that out of the way, 
may I just mention that in my First 
few days at Innis, I was shockea to 
realize that everyone seemed to have 
a nickname. 1 was shocked still fur- 
ther to realize that there was not one, 
but many Angela's at this college. 
Coming from a small alternative 
school in Scarborough, this was a 
new situation for me. The "which 
one?" syndrome has never graced 
my name with its presence before. 
Besides, truth be known, just be- 
tween U.S 1 have always wanted a 

How dots one acquire a 
nickname? I have learned that it is a 
tricky business as it is veiy difficult 
10 nickname yourself and to make it 
hold. The task is one that you cannot 
perform yourself and so the fate of 
what you answer to is thrown into 
the hands of any pcahead (bad) or 
genius (good) who decides to make 
the job his/her own. For example, I 
went through a couple of yeai> in 
high school being called "Ang- 
ieman", because of some assholic 
cretin at my school who insisu»l oh 
sticking in the irritating word wher- 
ever it would fa, e.g. "Angie, man, 
when arc we going?", and thus the 
name was founded. 

This time I got lucky. All 
genius (as opposed to the fotmer 
peahead) credit goes to Glen when 
he decided to call me "Ash". With 
nicknames floating around like 
"Roach", "Scooter". "Sparity", and 
the almost too cool "Blitz", how 
was I ever to find a name that diller- 
enuaied me from the plethora of 
other Angela's? 1 thought of ju-sl 
stick ing tr " Angic" in hopes IhiU the 
oihen. went by ".Angela" or ".Ang" 
bui cvn "Angic" grows tiresiime 
because there is. always thai cine guy 
ho insists upon serenading me wilh 
his best Midi J agger impersona- 
lion. To the college'scredit. this has 
not happened thus far and so t sup- 
pose the point is moot, but ihcn 1 
ninsi consider the validity of my 
other points and 1 must wonder if 

there really is a poim at all. But { 

The main problem is that I 
like dUDge and, dammit, twenty 
years is just too long to have the 
tame nailK. Upon liist coming to 
tnnis. I cooteniplaled saying a dif- 
ferem name to every new person 1 
met, just to throw a linle spice into 
my mundane exisience. I realized, 
)»wever, diat this would only cause 
mass confusion and oo ooe would 
ever know who the hell I was. 

The only setback once the 
nickname was given was that people 
started calling me "Ashley" (Ack!), 
so that was when I bn> h back to 
its original Intensions by extending 
it to "Ashes". I find the name Rtiing 
as I am a smoker. [ have been for 
quite a while. Sometimes 1 am a 
joker but the rest of the song does 
not a^^y so let us just leave It at 
that I also find it fitting as 1 am not 
afraid to sink my hands into the 
decaying muck of our smoldering 
society. On the pretensious scale, I 
rate that a nine. 

So hello, good to know you. 
Thank-you for spending your valu- 
able dme reading this. If you want to 
know I am, just ask for "Ash" 
and look for the girl with die dyed 
shoulder-length red hair. 1 wear only 
bUek so I'm easy to spot in a light 


Wdl. those university days 
are here again. This year(e8peci8liy 
in the first few months) you'll be 
meeting literally huivbcds of new 
faces and learning hundreds of tiew 
names. Romeo ooce mused that "a 
rose by any other naine would smell 
as sweet" — and you can bet that 
anyone you meet named Rose has 
bad that line quoted to her a thou- 
sand times. 

You see, I have a beef. In 
case you didn't read the byline, my 
name is Amber. As in the colour. As 
in the jewel . As in the beer. As in the 
street light, the pom star Amber 
Lynn, and the famous novel Forever 
Amber. Tiust me, after two decades 
of living widt this name, I've beaid 
them all — and I'm sick of it. 

Don't get me wrong. I love 
the name Amber. (After all I could 
have been a Jennifer), and I'm flat- 
tered when people tell me I have a 
beauuful name (not diat I take any 
credit for it, but I periodically pass 
along the complunem to my par- 
ents). I just can't tolerate any more 
goofy comments about it. 1 spem 
my summer wotking at a job that 
lequhed me to wear a name tag. 
Ttere was at least three conunents I 
was guaranteed to hear daily, 

1. "Thanks Amber — you're 
such a jewel." (snicker, snort.) 

2. "Oh Amber, I had one of 

you at die bar the other night." 
(nudge, nudge.) 

3."h your last name 'Uynn', 
by any chance?" (nudge, nudge, 
wink, wink.) 

Exagetrating? I wish. The 
fact is thai ntost people with exotic 
or even remotely unusual names are 
subjected to a barrage of 
ments, or "witty" remarks for their 
whole lives. My old boyfriend's 
name is Bernard, and yes, he'sheard 
every faithful dog joke in dte world. 
My highscfaoo] best friend was 
named Morag, and she's been called 
"mote eggs" (among other things) 
for as long as I've known her. Or 
how about my friends Heidi (like 
the girl with braids in die Swiss 
Alps). Robyn, (like the bird), or 
Hayley, (like die comet). 

And it gets woise. Some 
people — like me — are also blessed 
with a weird last name. In my case, 
it's Golem — like the Oollum in die 
Tolkien books, like the gargoyle, 
like thecreature in Yiddish foQdore. 
I have a friend whose last name is 
Eastwood, and of course his friends 

call him l^ini. Anodier ftiend has 
the last name of Carey — and if you 
diink Master Bates it funny, try 
living widt Miss C^arey tor a week or 
two. Some of my other friends have 
to live with Watson (as in elemen- 
laty.roy dear). Macdonald (as in no 
relation to Ronald), or Hussein (as 
in Saddam). 

Maybe if you're a Dave 
Smidi or a Lisa Chan and you're 
reading this anicle you don't care. 
You don't diink it's such a big deal. 
But for all of you out there who have 
names like mine and wish you could 
sometimes just tell people to shut 
up, I'm doing it for you. I'll say it in 
a nicer way, however, follow 
Thumper's advice. If you can't lay 
something nice don't say anytlung 
at all. For the majority, we didn't 
choose our names — they were 
chosen for us by well intentioned 
but often short-sighted parents. 
When that witty comment is on the 
tip of your tongue, swallow haid, 
count to ten, and remember one 
thing; I've heard h before. It was 
only funny the first lime. 

( ( )l I I (il Mill 


A'u iiim, tic Mitt^j^^v. 


The Cinema Studies Stu- 
dents' Union (CINSSU) was firsl 
formed in 1 989 to address the grow- 
ing acaocmic and social needs of 
cinema students. Today, the objec- 
tives of the INSSU have remained 
unchanged, as we continue to or- 
ganize social events that refiect the 
aesthetic nature of film, as well as 
counsel students on any academic 
concerns they may have. This year, 
both the selection of a new execu- 
tive and the i ncrease i n funding from 
outside organizations, bring the 
promises of new ideas that will 
enhance die experience of film stu- 
dents alike. We encourage any stu- 
dents interested in film to baxme 
involved in all aspects of die union. 
The officeof die ClNSSUis located 
in room 307 at Innis College, with a 
schedule of office hours posted on 
die door. Our phone number, which 
we share with Amnesty Imcma- 
lional, is 978-7434. 

As Uiere were many intan- 
gibles involved with our social 
events, we can only reveal the de- 
tails of the next upcoming event at 
diis time. Details of ourolhcrsocial 
functions will be announced at a 
future date. 
Next Events: 

Innis College 
Student Society 

By the lime you read this 
College Council elections will have 
been held, clascf s are really under 
way and orientation seems tike years 
ago. Never fear, the ICSS has been 
bust planning and coming up wiih 
ways to help you procraslinale your 
studying. 1 f we have not found some 
way 10 distract you from you, then 
come and help us. We lied your 
ideas lacomc up widi new and inier- 
cst'mg activities. (Howaboutabridgc 
round robin?) 

The whole ICSS meets 
every four weeks. The next ICSS 
meeting will be on October 10. This 
will not be a usual meeting as the 
budget will be the main item on the 
agenda. Thb will be a more impor- 
tant meeting than you may realize as 
it is your student fees we will be 
discussing. We will be dividing up 
die funds into clubs, sports, social 
events, farm trips, the film society, 
the limis Herald and much more. 

Sports Highlights 

AUilettcs at Innis have al- 
ways been successful. This year is 
no exception. Our Ultimate Frisbec 
team made it into the finals on Sep- 
tember 21. After a gruelling day 
against all of the other colleges and 
faculties, our fearless frisbec throw- 
ers made it to the finals. Our defeat 
came in the final inomenis against a 
much seasoned UC leam. Wuii lill 
wc incel up with them in Rag Fool- 

Football... who cares abwii 
Foolball? Well, die nerve of ihe 
Varsily Blues lo hold a game on Ihe 
same night as the Innis/Mcds Rugby 
nuilch against S.MC. Obviously (he 
pressure of getting lo the Blues game 
was lOO much for our boys in Ifw 
SCRUM... yes, wc did lose lo SMC, 
but at least we gave il a good try... 

INNIS FILM Wl^frER 1991 

inn ol icy elitisms 





Sein 12 
Sepi 19 

Oa3 • 

On 10 

Oa n 

No» 1 
No< 2 







ago jWknWn haH An C«]kfy OnUflL } 1 7 IX«Ah SiiMt 

Election Results 

The rollowlnf people have been elected 
10 Innli College Council; 

Carrie Craig 
Angela Dorr is 
Manavi Hands 
Philip Howard 
Trea MacPherson 
Andrew Melim 
George Ojambo 
Jennifer Reid 
Joey Schwartz 
Alex Thomson 

Jean Vesik 
Hoi man Wang 
Jack Wang 

1 Tu«*dA]r. Oci iSii 

|Cruza deBvubras/ 


I. It occun in »tt bootht 

I. Oa< OB|ht sot to nsr it niU itripta 

12. It keipi don tbe ponad* but kill* foor br«ia 

I). Cr«at UU 

IB. Half tbf ttidtli of iQ tB 

19. Cre«t gotfer't MaogriM 

10. Se« 13 (lo«Q 

21. Surrsvidi tbt papti 

22. TiirMr'i but frtcB4 

U. 1h« pritccii tltit looks lik« » kone 
2S. See 13 don 
H. Ctbritl U 

37. VkAt yev tat in Titjuai, iceordiB| ta Vail of 

II. n* otbtr batf of Kebab K«da (iritb f don) 

30. Vbtrv Mit war c«»t twt fro* 

11 . Cotpaia diretttofl 
n. Vlicrr the ttara aki 
3^. Later 

IT. Irfori a catttr 

31. farl ol t aailboat that coMa about 
^0. Carla'i dea^ KaiViod 

KS. UofT preatdtBt 

S&. Vhirc yoi com to f^o* tbt cold 

U. A ital It Tiffaor'a 

Ourt ii r«d a&d «h)tt 
SO. Anscr 

12. AereeiwDt in CUtio* 

M. tat tlita hot «ed |OQ«r «itk vilk poufvd 

Cuiidj, to ^aU 
iS. titer Farkpf'* elaia to fast 
94. Tooa'a aoftocrta 

97. Ktcmitiii Officer 

98. foyr aow fhOBrticiUj? 
lOa. 0» Itrtbev' bath toveU 
102. Short aod 

104. Iip)o7 

105. fork 

10|> Tbf ttotiflo of >ei 

tOf. The Btvdr of flo« aod defonatioo 


1. nit thi •titJt.t co.f«leri ire it Itail 

2. Srir Jifl* .otfilldrr 

3. It 

4. Ctlirtiff, for fii.|>li 
3. Korticii'fl e«.iii 

*. ■ jou gliil r dido't >ir biiiniT* 

>. hik ckirp 

lop I 

SS. Str.l.i; 

U. Ct.diotti cot o.f IB Ihf toat th. «Ui 

V. rlli.ciitl) chilliot.d 

M. Uhff. tbf iDtoloi)* pUr 

tt. nit ni iititt ltd bii tori> \\,„ ol 

iJ. Pr.d IkCritl't 11 lit 

tl. Sk> iiid, 'I'll |.t ro<. .r rr>ti|>' 

i;. vhtt. Ciiki »d itiikd.iif III. 

II. 1||> ol tl do.i 

ft. Ckirlollt't >.!,'■ Hkilr 

Ii. Vkii it I* .boa lb. MOD biu rour t) 

II. Iroo Udr'i *^.o|r*. 

11. Spbiri 
IS. Pia diih 

12. Colltrittor 
lb. ■•liiioi 

I), ropoj.'o bob. 

II. R/itorioai ibort bti.t 

*I. Tinlaitia 

II. Vk.l yo. p«r Uto ot« 
<.IUil lor f..ritll 

itb b.i lol tot i.lUr to 

■ill of likib Rrdi (lilb 21 iinii) 
. l.I.t.S il eii; O.I.I. r »otbtr 

"toi't — %», (kip k«p till) 

litb 14 do», 20 itroil i>< icroM r" <">< kire 

7.U7 bitk ckoliitirol bnikfatt 

Sti 13 don 
. ll.JtC 
. Itbt 

. Bithtr it ia or it 

. Ill ia tbt aainr 

. (kin lllla ((roa II H210) ant u I rictat ipia«lt 
. It'a ia foaiie'f back packrt 
, Tollirball plaj 
. Rbat ao Maai 

, Tko tiM of dar it probablj it if ;ea batt ao ibjdo* a 

r««*r« Itaidiif oa tbt itaiter 

Faki O.J. 
. Tkia _ tb.t 

, Oto aacti 7ta mlda't aaat to Mtt ia a dark alltr 

. Tht tiM bttarta taariit afid aaaaot 

. Ptult Jill aiaitr'a Maetraa 

. Ibat to do It tbt ktiioaiac 

. Jttkra Tall 'a flattal 

. U Kolaoa'i ia la ktttir aat 

. la a ftv diTt or ia a tta WBtki 

. Aetbor O'Coaaor for abort 

. I.j>trtoaitor*( MBOiraa 

. Iriactia ol Itmt 

. lilt t.'i dni addict brotbtr 

. Ill lle«at'l ttaa 

. liclautioB 

. Irtc»dti .'a^ pi kabr'l lot tkt diarrbata* 

. i la. 

. Itiaou tiiltadit tbal dMricial ukt takt if roa •! 

to atttad tklir ■aivcraitiai 
. aad lit. 

Tiar lai 

Oat abo aiitarkilti 
. fbtrt yoa art (.altit yta'tt (oat lor tkt vttitad i 

tikta tbia pirtr .itb raa) 
. litkoal rlliimal 

. nal a dm ailb Iriia tiatkta la.K bt 

. Caa ia lailralii 

. Lib. a draioa ar Toai.iadi 

, iacitat rtliea of laaltra Urapt 

13. "I-I-I-.-. 
K. nat tbt I 
13. Ittti oral 

IkU altti 

laar to Jaliai 
, tbt (.(«al to) 

■aa<c lad Diibiil't |i| 
, I m. u>kt 

. liara or Toi.ata o> a tt 
Saattltr'a trib 

I. I'.ll al Toli'a koldi 
I. Itllart 

I. Tl dova'i Mttfra*